Remi and I are fighting. We’ve barely spoken since last night. She came home from work and for some reason everything she did was on my last nerve. Little things like not washing her dishes and expecting me to do it all the time to not wanting to eat dinner with me, even though I told her the night before to expect to have dinner together when she got home.
Plus she’s pissed at me for having stayed in contact with an ex. Who I said I wouldn’t talk to anymore. I know, I know …. bad Sasha. So shoot me. I suck at monogamy. But I’m trying.
Ughhh …. living together is not easy. I guess the honeymoon’s over.
That was fast.
Now comes the hard part of actually working on the relationship.
My teacher Brian told me that up until now we hadn’t had a real relationship. Everything was go -go -go …. first it was the drama of her getting me away from the woman I was seeing when she came into the picture (which is the ex I was talking to). Then it was the excitement of a new love affair coupled with the emotional aspect of preparing for her to go back into the Marines with a deployment to Iraq and Afghanistan hanging over our heads every moment of every day.
Believe me when I say that nothing is more of an aphrodisiac then the thought of possibly loosing someone to war. It made every moment feel important, special, life or death — like time was running out. So we packed every bit of fun, love, sex and passion into the time we had before she left.
Then after that it was that she was away at training on the other side of the country and she was miserable and having a hard time. She was horribly sick the whole time she was there and an old injury had sprung back up. Knowing she was in pain had my stomach in knots 24/7.
After that there was the euphoria of her coming home, having been medically discharged. We were ecstatic to not have to have been seperated for a year. I was relieved that she wouldn’t be in harms way. We made it through all this, the rest was the easy part. Right?
Ha! Call me naive. I guess I was. I thought the feelings of being so madly in love would be strong enough to carry us through the every day grind. Guess I overestimated myself.
So this rant could go on for days but I’ll cut it down to size:
Remi and I went to kickboxing this morning and almost beat the crap out of eachother (Oh did I mention she’s joining MY fight gym?)
We drove home in silence, she got ready and left for work and we barely said goodbye. I wouldn’t have even acknowledged her leaving if she hadn’t forced the issue a bit.
She sent me several texts from work that I didn’t respond to, I was still too mad. Over what I don’t know. Everything I suppose.
She finally sent me a text that read: I can’t always be around so at some point you have to make a decision. Me or her.
I didn’t write back right away although in my head I chose Remi.
I didn’t respond fast enough for her, even though in my head there was never any decision to be made. We’re in a relationship and we’re trying to build a life together. What did she think my answer would be?!
But she ended up sending me this text: I will leave if you don’t stop talking to her. Because I’m not going to keep feeling like this.
Mmmmm ….. what am I supposed to say to that?!
This: No, Don’t leave. I love you. I won’t ever speak to her again. Please don’t leave. You promised. (Which is exactly what I did say.)
Suffice it to say after a few more texts, the fights pretty much over. But we’re both left feeling a little numb and worse for wear after the dust settles.
Actually, I don’t really think the dust has settled yet. It’s still swirling around making it hard to see and breath. It won’t be settled till she comes home tonight and we can finish this face to face.