I wasn’t kidding when I told some of you this may have been my last Pride I ever go to. This last weekend was Long Beach Pride and as usual, it was a disaster. I swear I think my Prides are freakin’ jinxed like a mo’fo.
I have yet to just have fun at a single Pride. Somehow I always end up crying or throwing up, or both at the same time. And this last year wasn’t any better. The only reason I went is because one of our best friends, will be leaving soon. She’s a Marine and the call of duty is … well … calling. So of course we want to see her as much as possible before she leaves.
She was the main reason I braved yet another cursed year at Pride. But the other was that it was Remi’s birthday weekend and since we met for the first time in person, at Pride 4 years ago, it’s sort of sentimental to her. So double the guilt and I gathered all my dykey power to go to another lame ass Pride festival.
It was worse then I thought it was going to be. Our friend’s girl is femme like myself and to say that we don’t have much to talk about is an understatement. (Now this is where I am potentially going to regret being so god damned honest, but here it goes.) Our friend’s girlfriend is not the friendliest or easiest person for me to get along with. I try. I really do. I smile and try to make small talk. But every time I would start to speak this other femme would abruptly cut me off or simply turn away from me. It was getting unbearable, to the point that I just walked away from the group and told Remi I was going home. I would simply pick her up later.
But that would have been to easy. Instead we ended up yelling at each other, crying and causing a scene in the middle of Pride. Yes, we were “that” couple. But I didn’t feel so bad because when I looked around, I saw that there were lots of couples like “that” all in various stages of fighting, breaking up and making up. I think that Pride festivals provide the perfect storm for lesbian drama and this year, we were part of it.
After my dramatic exit, I felt that all too familiar guilt and decided I would be a huge ass wipe if I left my wife at Pride. So I tucked my tail between my legs, put on a brave face and rejoined the group. It wasn’t about me, it was about Remi and our friend. Luckily by the time I found them all, they were all wasted beyond comprehension and the femme that I was having issues with was much easier to get along with when she’s smashed. So I just bit my lip, smiled and tried to give Remi a good night.
It all seemed to be going pretty good and I had even convinced myself that maybe it was all in my imagination and that my attitude was my biggest obstacle standing between me and a good time. That was helping me get through the night until we brought up the fact that a former friend/turned enemy for life is back in town.
The back story behind this is horrible and to say that what went down between us was so intensely personal, it’s one of the only things I’ve never been able to blog about should give you a sense of the level of privacy that both Remi and I have for this topic. Only our two best friends know what happened. And that was the way we thought it would stay. Until, our friend motioned to me and then turned to her girl and said, “You know what happened between them right? I told you right?”
My stomach dropped and I could feel Remi tense up. This girl might be tight with our friend but she’s not close to us. In fact, I’m pretty sure she can’t even stand me. So now this chick has information on me that was hard for me to even confide in my best friend. Great.
I looked at her to see her respond in the affirmative, she did indeed know my history with this person. Fuck my life.
So that was my last Pride. Spent pretending to get along with another femme because she’s our best friend’s girl. Fighting with wife and getting a migraine. But it just confirmed what I suspected all along …. Pride is jinxed and I don’t think I’ll be tempting fate again next year.
But this does bring up an interesting question: why can’t some femmes coexist peacefully? Does it always have to be an undercover bitch fest? Hmmmm ….. I feel a blog coming on.
Hmm, does your friend or Remi have any insight on why she doesn’t like you? I have several femme friends actually (well one less than before, but that’s because she came to live with me when she needed a place to stay and was a shitty houseguest and friend. Screw her. Anyway…) and we get along because there’s no sexual tension between us. None of my friends are the high maintenance/bitchy types though and we’re all single, so maybe that’s a factor in it? But femmes in general don’t bother me (I’ve probably just jinxed myself).
As for Pride, meh. I like going because it’s nice to see so many other lesbians come out from their little corners and join the world. I especially like seeing other femmes because it makes me feel less invisible and lonely, like “she looks straight, but wait, she’s gay too? OMG YES! It’s not just me!” But frankly, it’s so freaking hot that I don’t enjoy it as much as I wish I would.
Sorry you had such a crappy time!
Ps. Welcome back Sasha! Glad to have you posting again. See? The posts are there when you’re ready and able to post them. No need to censor yourself. You’ve got the goods inside you doll.
WWG, thank you first of all … And has far as to why she doesn’t like me?I have no confirmation on that, it’s just what I feel when I’m around her. And I’m trying to be objective and hold out some slim hope that it’s not dislike as much as us just not clicking … Which I can’t really blame on the femme thing because I have femme friends! But with femmes I don’t know, it can be tricky.
And …. I talked to Lana about it, she knew right away what I was talking about (she’s met her) and told me, “don’t say anything because then YOU look like the bitch. Because she hasn’t said anything.”
Looks like I screwed the pooch on that one and now I’m worried that our friend will be mad at me for writing this, but it’s been bugging the he’ll out of me!
Ps: sorry for typos, I’m writing everything on my iPad now and it’s auto correct is irritating.
it doesn’t tell me when I misspell something, it just inserts some random word it thinks I meant and that has proven to make me look like I’m either bad at grammar, perverted or just plain dumb … Especially on FB
Eh, my friend’s husband (the one I mentioned in the First Gay Girl Love post) doesn’t like me. I get the feeling it’s because he thought I was possible competition for his wife’s affections but taken people aren’t my bag, thankyouverymuch. But yeah, he doesn’t like me and much as I’ve tried to be friendly towards him, include him in stuff, etc, he is nice enough, but yeah, not really my fan. Whatever, fuck it. He’s not my friend, she is, and that’s their relationship, not mine. Couples are weird sometimes and not every couple can coexist in friendships with others well.
If you have femme friends and don’t get along with this femme, I think it’s safe to say it’s her, not you. I always hate when people (okay, mostly straight women) say “I don’t have female friends. They’re all jealous of me!” Um no, you’re just a two-faced bitch who only thinks everyone is jealous of you.
Maybe the fact that you’re femme and close to her girlfriend is tripping her out? She perceives you as possible competition, even though you couldn’t care less, she sees that, just as my friend’s husband thinks I, as a single lesbian, am going to take his wife away (please, I’m single, cute, and a Scorpio. You think, if I wanted her, she’d still be with him right now? Pshhhhaw!)
Lana’s right. If nothing’s been said, then hey, there’s no problem, right? It’s like one of those deep under the surface pimple. You can’t pop it because there’s nothing there ready to pop. You’ve gotta wait for the gunk to surface, otherwise you’re just going to irritate it and make it worse and more unsightly. Sorry for the gross analogy, but hey, I think it fits.
Meh, your friend should take this opportunity to either smooth things over, talk to you and give you an idea how to coexist peacefully with her girl, or talk to her girl and figure out what’s bugging her so much and how HER GIRL can make things right for all four of you. The ball’s in their court.
Sasha Sorry you went through all that. Some women can be incredibly bitching, high maintance and very dramatic. I avoid these type of women at absolutely all cost. I work with many like this and so I know how stressful it can be but if you know someone is like this then it is much easier to avoid them, to not take their mess personally and most importantly to keep things in perspective. You know you are a good person. Whatever she “has” on you don’t even trip because some people judge,some people are cruel and some people have alternative motives. However, as long as you are totally honest with yourself and with your wife THAT is what matters. You have no control over what other people do and say you only have control over how you react to their shit. You are OK. You are a strong and beautiful person. I always say -”what someone thinks of me is none of my business” LOL because it really doesn’t matter – it matters what you think of yourself. And sweet Sasha don’t say “fuck my life” I mean come on you get pissed at me and tell me not to say that when I say that to you about my life. Instead, Sasha you and I MUST say “fuck my life suckers” LOL those who try to suck the life out of us. LOL
FUCK THE LIFE SUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO (Say that 10 times fast. lol) FUCK THE LIFE SUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FUCK THE LIFE SUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FUCK THE LIFE SUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FUCK THE LIFE SUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FUCK THE LIFE SUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FUCK THE LIFE SUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FUCK THE LIFE SUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FUCK THE LIFE SUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FUCK THE LIFE SUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FUCK THE LIFE SUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Oh the littlest things in life I find so entertaining.lol)
Thanks WWG for that uber nasty ye fitting analogy. Lol. But unfortunately, I fear that posting this is like trying to poke a needle into that pimple before it’s ready to come to the surface because you just can’t stand to go out with it the on your face, mocking you from beneath the surface. Maybe no one else can even see it, but you can feel it and it’s making you super paranoid!
Ehhh … Either way. Half of that couple is one of our best friends. She’s Remi best friend, but over the years, I’ve come to count her as family to me too. So I know what I have to do. I have to smile and nod and keep trying to pretend like everything’s fine.
LOL Jazz … Lol
Oh and WWG, I am certain this woman does not, IN THE LEAST see me or worry about me as competition. Because #1 I’m freaking Married! And #2 I’m so Not our friends type it’s not even funny. And lastly …. She doesn’t strike me as the insecure type … At all.
LOL I had 2 glasses of my birthday sangria tonight with a friend – I don’t drink often and am a light weight lol so that combined with my crappy day and my protectiveness of our friend Sasha explains my “musical” post. hehe
She is probably jealous of you BECAUSE you ARE married.
That type of drama, high maintence, bitchy-ness would absolutely and completely drive me insane- I would definitely need to drink a shit load of sangria to deal with that. LOL LOL LOL
Um, I’d take your friend aside btw and let her know that sharing the topic of that ex-friend is NOT OKAY. At all. Secrets are meant to be secrets and they’re not to be shared unless someone gives you the okay to do so. Not cool.
Meh, yeah, suck it up and smile. Kill her with kindness as they say (which I admit to sucking at. If I don’t like you, I don’t tend to hide it well. But if you ask why I don’t like you, I’ll tell you very directly and bluntly. But most don’t ask so whatever).
Heheh you’re welcome. Well, either way, this is a conversation that apparently needs to be had. Perhaps you want to privatize this post and talk to her first? I know I’d understand.
Anyway, could have sworn I wrote another response, but it seems to have been swallowed. Anyway, my point is you should take your friend aside and let her know that that story was for her ears only and that you’re not cool with her having shared it with her girl. This would hold true even if you really liked her girl. Secrets should be kept secrets and she should apologize for sharing what wasn’t hers to share.
As for the girlfriend, meh. I always hate the (mostly straight) women who always say “I don’t have many women friends, they’re all jealous of me.” Um no, you’re just an insecure selfish bitch who only thinks everyone is jealous of you? My point is that they make war and then declare themselves the victim and can’t figure out why they’re always at war. Pass.
I agree with Lana, kill her with kindness. But mostly, ignore her. Hugs.
Weird. I refresh and refresh and see nothing, but I post again and bam! It’s there. Oh well. Sorry guys.
WWG, I sat on this blog since last weekend and worried that it might upset our friend. But after many rereads, I don’t think I said anything malicious. And I always follow one rule, never say something about someone behind their back that you aren’t willing to say to their face.
If either of them want to talk about it, I can talk about it. And that might even be better, who knows? It might be a misunderstanding on my part and I’m a big enough person to admit when I’m wrong. Gawd, I hope I’m wrong because I want to make things easy on my friend and Remi. It would suck if I couldn’t get along with Remi’s bff’s girl.
And as for the secret thing … Ugh …. It makes my stomach hurt thinking about it.
Sasha I didn’t mean to be insensitive about saying don’t trip about your friend opening their mouth about what they know in confidence. I just don’t want you to be upset about anything ever. (And I had a little too much sangria- but heck I rarely do and it was my belated bday w a friend.) Sent u back an email. Good nt Jaz
1st.
i know how you feel about Pride. i make an attempt every year. because like remi…my birthday falls around our Pride festival. if i don’t go to Pride i wont get to see anyone on my birthday. every time, i go i wind up regretting it! its friggin’ crowded and everyone’s drunk before the parade has even started. drama from “that” couple is around every bar door. it gets old. i run into people i really REALLY don’t wanna see…then I end up getting too drunk just to cope.
2nd.
i get tired of being the only “girl” but i guess i make due.
ugh..femmes. what can i say here that i haven’t said before? i had a conversation with raye about this over dinner this evening. i simply told her that us femmes can be pretty “dirty.” i suspect we don’t like each other because we all want the same thing and wont rest till we get it…BOIS!! it never fails! we go out and i get daggers. when i head to the bathroom…that same chick is trying flirt with MY gf?!?!!? Ummm…..HELLO!!
i would be a friend with a femme. i really would. if they’d stop with the usual womanly hatred. typically, sasha, i chill with my bois, butches, andro, in betweens…whatevers
when is my favorite femme, SASHA gunna make it to Texas?!?!? LOL
3rd.
your “friend” telling this big secret. sooo NOT cool. invite her out for some tea/coffee and have a nice long chat about LOYALTY & TRUST in friendships!! GEEZE! see where it goes from there. if this happens all the time…then reconsider the friendship, i say. that could be another possibility as to why she doesn’t have much to say when y’all get together, too??
4th.
ok..the evil femme girlfriend suddenly becoming your best girlie after a few rounds from the bud light stand? ok…don’t be too harsh. i need a little drinky drink to loosen up around big crowds (Pride) and new people, my gf’s friends, etc. i don’t know why this is. it just IS and i hate it! speaking for myself. i think i spend too much time observing a new person and the flow of conversations that i forget to chime in every now and then. or since i DON’T think before i speak…i’m always afraid i’m gunna send someone running for the hills after something i’ve said. usually perverted or TMI.
good luck with your friend. i’ll be hoping for the best for y’all after this blog.
btw. really nice to see you writing again!!!!!
There was so much in this post, it is difficult to pick a part and respond. I think we can all relate to being “that couple” because, undoubtedly, all of us have been part of “that couple”, too. I apologize in advance, to the long-time friend you and Remi have, for what I am about to say. I mean no disrespect, but ponder reality check. Some women don’t need a reason to be a bitch, and then some have a perfectly good reason. Some of the most beautiful women I know and have known are the most insecure I’ve ever known as well. You can coddle your insecurities to a point, but then there comes point when she must make a concession. Her coldness certainly doesn’t invite your friendship, and what is wrong with her is something for Remi’s friend to discover and deal with. It is a well-known picture in reality. A new woman arrives on the scene with her hooks in her new-found catch. Some women feel very uncomfortable with their new date’s friends, for whatever reason, and they try to winnow them away from that crowd. Sort of like a female salmon when she selects a male to fertilize her eggs. She’s got her nest picked out and it’s her territory. She’s not sure if she wants you around it. Nothing personal to you, but it is her primal instinct. People move through different stages in life, and Pride demonstrations for the LGBT community is a rite of passage. You’ve passed that stage now and you want to settle down. Continue to go places with Remi and continue to welcome your friend into your life as far as Remi allows. Remi is no dummy. She loves her friend but she loves you more. She is married to you and all of what she is and has and forever will be is yours. If your friend continues to see this girl and committs to or already has committed to her (as in married), then you and Remi can decide on how important it is for you to show up when she’s around and those decisions can be made on a case-by-case basis. Don’t discount her but don’t take any of her shit either. Another rule of thumb to go by, that is reliable in any new formed social structure, is how much drama does she bring in? If there always seems to be some when ever and where ever she’s around it will become evident whether or not she is Dramaddict. Some types of people just mix.
edit: You can coddle *her* insecurities to a point…
Is it a thing where femmes don’t like eachother? I’ve seen that much more as a butch phenomena.
I remember the whole “not having female friends thing,” from when I identified as Bi. I think that had more to do with so-called male “friends” circling like sharks, than inter-female jealousy.
I guess I recently had an incident of that myself, and it was purely jealousy: she was talking to my date and seemed like my dates type. In any other circumstances I would have liked her just fine.
That being said, sometimes people just don’t like eachother. I had a job sabotaged by someone who just didn’t like me–and wouldn’t tell me why! The best I could figure out was that she had made assumptions about me, and maybe felt threatened by me.
It sounds like things are pretty close to the surface if you’re feeeling her rudeness so blatantly. Why not ask your friend what her problem is when you have that little chat about sharing secrets?
I’m pretty easy to get along with, but back when I identified as straight, in certain contexts, I got the cold shoulder from other girls, and I hadn’t done anything to deserve this treatment. Jealousy? Fear that I was out to steal their man? IDK My ex-FWB/GF, who’s pretty femme (and pretty f*ckin’ hot and gorgeous!) and often passes for straight has also commented on this problem with straight girls, and my ex is nothing but friendly. It happens, that’s for sure. Women can be pretty petty toward one another. I’m kinda new to the LGBT scene, so I didn’t realize that this competition dynamic was a thing between femmes, too. *sigh*
Meh, I think sometimes people just don’t like each other. To generalize would be a bad idea I think because even Sasha says above she has femme friends.
I don’t know what to say because I guess I’m not around the lesbian scene in NYC all that much. Tonight I’m going to a lesbian bar for the first time since NYE I think?
I’m with you Sasha, I will say to your face the same things I will say in private/behind your back. The thing is, most people don’t want to actually talk about things so you don’t get the chance to say it to their face. Shame, I’m perfectly willing to accept my slings and arrows if you’re willing to show up to the fight.
Okay, I’ll admit this might seem kind of silly, but I’ve been into astrology a lot as of late, and while it’s not the be all and end all of how to understand someone (there’s sooo much more to astrology than just a sun sign, but I digress), I’ve found that just reading some of the basics of various sun signs has led me to understand some behaviors of family, friends (and ahem, not-friends) that I previously didn’t understand and allowed me to figure out how to manoeuvre around them or work with them better. So if you know her sun sign at all, look into it.
Other than that, enjoy your friend and ignore the girl. You’re married to Remi. She’s not married to your friend. She might be gone soon anyway. One can only hope, right?
“The thing is, most people don’t want to actually talk about things so you don’t get the chance to say it to their face”- WWG! Truer words, truer words!
I don’t feel I have anything new to bring to the table, but I am appreciating this large blogging course.
Oh, except for one thing. If you can find it in you, just be polite- in not kind. I and many others have found that when in a dispute with someone, we may say something sarcastically, but in such a sweet tone that it is ACTUALLY interpreted as the literal, sweet thing! The atmosphere changes completely, and then I at least ride the happy wave in shock and amusement.
Rexie is right, Sasha. unfortunately, we have ALL been “that couple” it’s a lesbo thing i think lol. so don’t beat yourself up about it, hun
Honestly I did not have an issue with you. I actually was happy to see you and delighted that you decided to come back and join the party. If I may, just a bit of advise to you in the future. When the voices in your head are telling you that people don’t like you, you might want to talk to the real people around you and simply ask if they have problems with you because up until now, I didn’t. I’m sorry that I hadnt been properly indoctrinated and instructed that I was supposed to make you the center of attention. I assure you my friend, it will not happen again. I shall make you the center of attention at all future gatherings. Hopefully we can now squash this.
The end.
@The femme that supposedly does not like you…Yeeeee…normally, I would not interject my opinion in a conversation between two people, but since you posted on Sasha’s public blog, I will throw in my two cents with regard to your comment. I will preface this by saying, I realize I don’t know you and I could be totally wrong, but your last sentence sounds very passively aggressive. I think you’re wrong in your assumption that Sasha must be the center of attention or else she feels slighted. There must have been something else about you that she was picking up on, like, I dunno, a cool that seemed cold? That may just be your personality. You have the challenge of integrating yourself into a well form social circle that has a past and a history together. I hope, for everyone’s sake, that you are successful.
@Rexie. I have no issues integrating and have actually been a part of this circle long before Sasha. I had absolutely NO issue with her. None. Actually I liked her, enjoyed her company and was happy for our friend Remi (whom I love) for finding Sasha. I don’t even have issues with the blog itself. My issue is that she should’ve said something instead of assuming I didn’t like or was ignoring her. I was just slightly preoccupied with spending time with my girl and making certain she was enjoying herself. We had a wonderful time and had NO clue there was any drama. Considering thi is only the second time I’ve ever met her I’m even confused how she would get the vibe that I don’t like her.
Just my two cents but I’d rather someone ask me if I have a problem or just tell me to my face they have issues with me rather than having someone tell me, “oh by the way, did you happen to read so and so’s blog? Maybe you should”.
How awkward are things going to be now?
I did say something. On my blog.
Hey “the femme that supposedly doesn’t like you” You liked her? That’s pretty much pass-tence isn’t it? You’ve never liked her, huh?
Come on be honest! My question is why? What has she ever done to you? And, furthermore, if someone feels that they are being slighted for no reason, shouldn’t they feel awkward and out of place? Secondly, your girl should not have told you shit about Sasha’s past life. So, “F” her for that shit!!! Sasha is not the type to jump to conclusions about anything, so you need to look at you and stop the drama girl! Look within, girl! Just how jealous are you?
I have a rep as a peace maker and I intend to continue with that, however I really have to say one thing and that is that your telling Sasha “The next time you hear the voices in your head telling you…..” was a very low blow considering her bipolar condition. And with that being said, in regards to that comment and the reality of her bipolar condition, I find that sentence very insensitive.
i second that Jazmenha! the comment was VERY insensitive and like Rexie said PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE. Sasha didn’t say anything that was hurtful or insulting to you, “The femme that supposedly does not like you.” it was merely an observation and wanting to get a little insight with her friends (who are not so cold) on this blogsite. there’s nothing abnormal or wrong about her doing this. we ALL confide in our friends to find out that we’re not isolated in our feelings or experiences! then, we can usually figure out to solve whatever dilemma with a level head.
Sasha, butches do some fucked up shit, and femmes do some fucked up shit; we’re all women and we have a catty, vindictive nature (or we can). Coming from a more aggressive femme who (now) strictly dates femmes (dating butches/ studs was hella awkward when it came to dominance in the relationship; its not that i’m being close- minded), I’ve observed that when it comes to femmes I really don’t take too much to heart. All of my femme friends are very fickle as were my femme girlfriends. A heavy, dramatic heated argument one day would be over the next, but I stopped trying to schedule my life around avoiding awkwardness and girls that i couldn’t stand, hurt me, or that i was trying to avoid. Those blokes were not worthy of my attention and to let them control my people, places and things gave them way more power than i wanted them to have over my emotions and my life. If you want to go to pride, go to pride. Just don’t let that shit get under your skin because then SHE wins. Haha as wrong as it sounds, when it comes to femmes, I rarely take anything seriously, let shit roll off my back, and keep flowing with it; I’ve been happier ever since.
@ Sarah Maybe out of this whole mess will come people being more sensitive, more empathetic and more understanding towards those who see the world differently (have bipolar etc). That would be my wish anyhow, but I also wish to win the lottery and that hasn’t happened yet. lol
One last thing … Cuz it’s just bugging the he’ll out of me. I love the way she states that she was part of the circle “long before” I was …. Huh uh …. Off and on but mostly OFF and I could say so much more about what type of person she has proven herself to be through her past actions. But I won’t because things are fucked up enough as they are.
But I will say, that while she may have known our friend for a year or two longer then I have, I’m the one that married one of the best friends and will most definitely be here 20 years from now. And given her history …. I doubt she’ll be able to say the same. although I’m sure with her talent for writing herself as the innocent victim, beyond reproach, she’ll be able to write nice little Puff piece for herself, either in her head or online. Either way, I know what type of person she is … And I don’t need people like that in my life.
I’m so over this … As of …….. Now.
@Sasha – I am glad you made that clarification. Just confirms what I guessed. I am glad you are over it, because allowing someone like that to upset you just gives her power she doesn’t deserve. xoxo
Sasha, don’t let anyone keep you from being around family (thousands of family members) at such special events for us! For example, there’s LA Pride coming up in about a week and it is us visible and representing on that day! Then there’s San Diego Pride on July 16th and 17th.
And WOW do NOT forget to check out all the events going on through SF Pride http://www.sfpride.org
It is completely insane the wide variety of events that they have going on through June 30th. They seem to cover every topic you can imagine from Trans Job Resume Workshops, Lesbian Concerts and reception, Gay Men Speed Dating, Lesbian Moms Group, gay film events and SO many more events.
Well
Since Femmelover opened up that topic of events for the GLBT community I am going to plug one more- most important event. The event that effects EVERYONE regardless of your orientation. PLEASE support the Aids Walk SF 2011 on July 17th. We will be there for sure.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8ZYnniQkFI&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsON3d_fO_k&feature=relmfu
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o00DgKAJZ6s&feature=player_embedded
Now that we have all sides and colors of the rubiks cube exposed, I think both individuals should have their POVs understood.
Sasha’s Rights – This is your blog, and as it being your blog you have every right to talk about whatever the hell you want. With that right comes the consequences… (i.e. The femme that supposedly does not like you, reading your blog). I think your feelings are valid, as that is how you interpreted her actions and the situation. Everyone is entitled to his or her feelings, regardless of what the feelings are…just watch out for the actions that may be a response to those feelings.
Sasha’s Wrongs- I don’t think it would have been a horrible idea to ask “The femme that supposedly does not like you” if she indeed does not like you. I think that conversation could have potentially prevented your feelings of irritation, confusion, fed-up-ness, etc. It could have also, potentially, avoided the drama on your comments section.
“The Femme that supposedly does not like you’s” Rights- I don’t think anyone would necessarily have a feeling of joy when discovering that someone is or has post blogs about them. It’s a better feeling to have someone be straight-up about their feelings or concerns, and work through them. Nothing much can be done about the past, but many things can be done about the present/future. You’re pissed that you had to find out someone (much more, Sasha) was having some issue with you (unbeknownst to you) on a public website; meaning others know about the situation before you did. It takes away your defense, or simply just your ability to say how you feel.
“The Femme that supposedly does not like you’s” Wrongs- I think it would have been much easier (and cleaner) if you had confronted Sasha in-person once you learned of the blog post. Maybe Sasha would have written a follow-up of the situation and cleared your rep, or given you a chance to write the follow-up yourself. Truth is, the blog post belongs to Sasha, as this is her site. So she doesn’t really have to do (or say) anything she doesn’t want to….fortunately (for her) and unfortunately (for you)
In all, fires can’t be put out by other fires, it needs a different element.
@ASecondLook – concerning what *you* deem to be Sasha’s wrongs, I have to disagree. Imagine if you truly did not like someone, or worse, had a jealousy issue with them, and that person asked, “do you have a problem with me?” If that question were asked in public, regardless of whether or not you were taken aside, and if you’re like most of us, the question alone would knock you on your butt and you might resent the fact you looked foolish while trying to stammer out an answer after having been caught off-guard that way. It would be tricky to answer at best. If you wanted to be honest and say, “no, I don’t like you because you’re so gorgeous, and married to a fox, and omg look at the rock on your finger, and I’m jealous of you”, then what good does that do? Bad feelings would ensue. If you wanted to be “diplomatic”, you might lie and say something like, “stop being silly, of course I like you and have no problem with you!” (which is what she did in her comment) and then give mixed signals by continuing to give the cold shoulder, and being generally rude. Sasha is a sensitive, and I don’t for a second believe tfwsdly was throwing off vibes that were misinterpreted. She claims that she was focusing on her gf to ensure she had a good time, which is baloney. If she wanted her gf, who is best friends with Sasha’s wife, she would have engaged Sasha with light-hearted conversation and smiles whenever Sasha gave her the opening to do so. Imagine what a good time they all could have had if tfwsdly had participated rather than show her surly jealousy. As several of Sasha’s personal friends have attested, she just doesn’t have a problem making friends and connecting with people and I truly believe she gave it her best that day. She may have been tempted to inquire privately, but with good sense decided a direct confrontation was probably not in anyone’s best interest. So she did what most good blogger’s do, and she vented on her site. She didn’t name names, or call names and tfwsdly didn’t have to acknowledge anything by reading it. She is the one who started the fire with her passive aggressive, below the belt comment. She showed her true color and it was green. I don’t thing there were any “wrongs” on Sasha’s part.
F–Frustration from an upsetting experience and then vented on her own blog
I–Interpretation in words of her personal experience vented on her own blog
R–Reminded and totally disrespected about her bipolar mental disorder on her own blog
E–Experienced major out fall from something that she had the right to express on her own blog
“fire” is put out with and is healed by “water”
W– Weather- the storms of life have hit you harder then this Sasha and you have always remained strong
A– Away- take some time away from the topic to regroup, refresh and recharge
T — Time heals all wounds
E– Empathy- making a disrespectful comment on Sasha’s blog eluding to her mental illness is FUCKING UNEXCEPTABLE have some empathy and understanding- step back and think how would you feel if you were bipolar and someone said, “The next time you hear voices in your head telling you…..” (Wow I am a VERY calm person, but that comment REALLY pissed me off and I do not have bipolar so I can only imagine how Sasha felt!)
R– Relationships that matter (Remi)
Hugs sweet Sasha – Jazi
Speaking of Pride events a friend of my friend tonight ( the have no idea of my OMG attraction to women) pissed me off- Our convo- “The pride event is that weekend” “Oh yeah I’ve never been.” “I’m going” “Oh NO I’m not going to join it I just want to watch them.” What the fuck- these are real people not a fucking circus in town to watch you heartless ignorant asshole!!!!!! OMG that attitude pissed me off. Ok rant is over.