I had this brilliant idea that Remi and I should start doing things on our own. As in, without being glued to one anothers side 24/7. You know, like hang out with our friends, go to the gym …. normal things that we used to do before we were a cohabiting unit that seems unable to be apart for any length of time except when she’s at work.
Now I don’t need any lectures on how we shouldn’t lose our individual identities and how it’s not healthy to be so codependent. Bla bla, yada yada … yea. I know! That was why I suggested this whole social experiment. Which was going brilliantly until she actually decided to do something without me.
I know, I’m pathetic. Don’t rub it in.
But Remi took my advice and made plans to go to a casino (an activity I despise and can only be bribed into going with an iPad) and since her friends will go for free, she invited them.
Sounds great, right? It did until I realized she was going to be going out and having fun on her next day off without me. Which, yes, I realize was MY plan. But I hadn’t really thought that part out.
Follow me here. She works crazy long and late hours. I’m sort of a recluse when left on my own so the only time I ever really get out is when she’s home and we do things together. Her days off are our days off and we usually try to make up for the long work week by doing something together. So when she made plans that didn’t include me, on a night that I didn’t have anywhere else to go or do, I felt really left out, jealous and pathetic all at the same time. Because I realize, again …. this was my idea to begin with and it is healthy to do things apart. Or so they say.
Don’t worry, I only reverted to my bratty self for about ten minutes and regained my sanity in time to insure her, I was OK with her night out with the girls. I only wish I wasn’t going to be left home alone twiddling my thumbs thinking about how much fun she’s having without me.
When I came up with this brilliant plan, I sort of meant for her to do things when I was going to be in class or with Lana. But as it turns out, she picked a night when I have neither option open. Bleh. I’m a big girl, I can handle this. Right? ?
I keep reminding myself of Kahlil Gibran’s writing on Marriage. These are words to live by.
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.