In my current romantic relationship we’ve definitely fallen into the whole butch femme dynamic. She’s the girly girl and I’m her man. She’s going to law school and I’m a lug who works in maintenance. We’ve been together for nearly three years and its always been like this. The day I proposed to her, I took her to the local botanical gardens at sunset and got down on one knee on a doc near the lake. This idealistic old school way of living is great to me and her.
She takes care of me when I’m sick and I hold her when she’s down. Hmmm… I wonder what makes butches who they are today? We are the ones who take pride in taking care of our girls in our own way. A chivalrous way. I’m not talking about the players out there either. I’ve never understood the more masculine women out there who want to sleep with every femme they possibly can; I think those people may have some serious issues going on in their head. Even know it is nice to have some fun like that every once in a while, never all the time.
As for the family dynamic, even though we don’t have human children yet, we have our boxer baby. Who I happily refer to as daddy’s girl. My girl may not be a high femme but she is definitely a woman; strong, intelligent, caring, and beautiful. All the things butches love and I’ll never get tired of. From our perspective the majority of us want to treat you right, not be played with or to play you. Don’t be afraid of us if you see us around, lol we’re not hungry wolves waiting to pounce for an opportunity for sex.
But to go back on topic, this dynamic is something I’ve seen a lot of in the lesbian community more often than not. It is rare and I have seen couples where both are femmes and it works for them. But give me a girl and I’ll be the boi for her. It’s just the way we are.
-DDK
Wow, a new guest writer? How did you slip in without me noticing? Did I miss your introduction? I don’t think I’ve seen you except in the comments, but I’m glad you’re here. We need more butch voices from all spectrums. Thank goodness there are still old-fashioned butches out there, the kind that make a femme’s knees go weak. I know they’re out there, somewhere, and it’s nice when you come to the front so we can see you and hear from you. Standing back and not bringing attention to themselves is so much a part of an old-school butch’s charm, but it makes it difficult for us to see them. I could call all day for the those in the audience to venture forth, but I think I’d go hoarse before they did. They’ve become adept at blending into the background so well
that I’d not know they were there unless, of course, they give a little wink, and even then it’s blink and I’d miss it.
This is so true. I think part of why we are so caring and make to be what most women would consider “The perfect man”, is because we KNOW what a woman wants. It’s in our genes to know what a woman wants because, well, we are women. By we, I mean Butches. I’m a Soft Butch myself. I prefer to look like a guy, and I act like one but I have my feminine qualities (however few they may be lol), and I have some girls clothes that I don’t mind wearing if it’s all I have clean.
I know that the little things matter to a girl. The opening doors, offering to help her stand up, pulling out a chair for her, walking on the outside closest to the road, all that. Whether that girl thinks they matter or not, they do. It makes her feel loved. It makes me feel good to do these things for someone. Btw, funny fact of why men/butches should walk closer to the road. It’s in case a car drives by. So that a) she won’t possibly get splashed with mud or water b) the wind from the car won’t blow up her dress/skirt, and c) to protect her if a car were to go off the road so you have a chance to push her out of the way.
As a butch, I feel a little lost without a girl to love and hold. It feels like a gap in my day to day life.
Old fashion butches sigh my heart melts…OMG I’m so over being single…
DDK…your femme has got to be the luckiest woman in the world to have you and I know she can’t wait to be Mrs. K—–.
Rexie, you didn’t miss the introduction. DDK hasn’t done one yet. But I didn’t want to hold off on her contributions
hopefully she’ll have one for all us curious femmes and friendly butches. 
and everyone on between of course!
And DDK great post! I like that you’re “her man” *swoon*
That’s part of why I call Remi my “Lubby” its my word for Lesbian Hubby. Because she makes a better husband then any man ever could!!
Old fashioned and chivalry are very good qualities to have
glad to see it still exist!
Makes me miss being in a relationship….
Welcome to the family. And I understand your point…to a tee. I’ve always been the chivalrous door opening hardware lugging man of ny relationship too.
Hmm… I’m compiling a chivalry list and gonna make it into a blog. Up to 7 including why to do it now, and why it was done then
@DDK – beautiful writing!! This is probably the best description of my partner in crime I’ve ever heard. Thank you for such an eloquent piece.
I like your description. I don’t often comment much because I don’t have much blog reading time. BUT I like that you acknowledge your role and where it comes from. I am SUPER femme. So femme that I often don’t fit in. When interviewing at my current job (an office full of lesbians) they wondered how a pretty little southern belle was going to react when she (I) found out that they were all *GASP* gay. My wifey is definitely a girl – she doesn’t hide that fact at all….but outsiders would definitely consider her “the man” in our relationship. She does the handiwork around the house, she rides the motorcycle, she wears men’s jeans and polos, she has the short *sexy * spiky hair, and she holds me….I love it. I want to be pampered like that and I wouldn’t have it any other way. In return, I cook and keep the house clean and am the pretty girl on her arm when we go places. It’s a fair trade.
love it and i definitely feel the same
My fiance’s one of those “old fashioned butches”. SO hot, and yes, the little things like opening the door and making sure she’s the one walking by the street DEFINITELY caught my eye. Ditto to what others have said about a butch making a far better husband than any man ever could. *swoon*
I love this post and welcome, DDK! Your girl is one lucky femme, and I’m sure vice versa!
The best man a woman could have is my baby…She makes me so happy I’m a femme.I have never been so loved
Great post DDK !!!!!
Thanks DDK! You have really brought us to the spotlight! I love femmes, and being the gentleman is who I am and what I live by. It’s just in my blood to pay attention to a lady and give her all of me. She deserves it and much more. All of the things that you commented on are so me. Thanks for this colorful and true definition of us!
We are the same my friend, and you have just captured a select group with your comments above. Thank you, again dude! Couldn’t have put it any better, bro’…
Mmm . . . I agree with Jaz – *swoon*
(and although I’m the femme – I’m the hungry wolf waiting to pounce . . .)