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Sasha’s BIG Secret

I have a secret to tell you all. It’s something that Remi and I have been trying to keep a secret for several reasons. But as time goes on, it’s getting harder and harder to keep to ourselves.

I guess I’ll just spit it out.

We did it! We signed the domestic partnership papers.

Now I know this is no surprise to any of you, since you all have read my worries and struggles with this particular topic. But like most, if not all of you, that urged us to do it for the pure practicality and safety net it provides, we agreed with you. Why wait two years to get the few protections under the law we are entitled to, when we’ve already been living the life of a married couple for the last two years as it is?!

Our only real reason for wanting to keep this on the down low was a fear that it would distract from the excitement of an actual wedding. Which we are still planning to do of course. But life, my health issues, tax reasons and just plain old love took precedence over the party day. And we hope and pray that as friends and family are told (or read) that we’ve already done the paper work, they will still be excited and happy for the a big, fat, gay wedding celebration October 20, 2012.

Yep ….. we’ve picked a tentative date. One that allows ample time to save up for a proper celebration. And now that we’ve already signed the papers, I don’t feel any irrational urgency to rush down the aisle. This actually takes a lot of pressure off! It’s akin to eloping and then still having a formal wedding later for your families. So, with the serious stuff out of the way, we are able to relax and truly enjoy the planning of not just the wedding, but our future together. Because to me, I’m most excited about the marriage, not just the wedding.

So ….. ummm ….. yea …. I’m officially Sasha Lotrian-Smith. ;) I even have a married pen-name! I love it ;) Yep, I have legally taken Remi’s name ….. added it really, with a cute little hyphen. It’s a mouth full but most good things are.  ;)

51 Responses to “Sasha’s BIG Secret”

  1. Elegy January 30, 2011 at 2:39 pm Permalink

    I’m still excited as ever! :D Perhaps more so because it’s like, “this is it guys! If you didn’t think we were serious before, you have no excuse now!”

  2. Femmelover January 30, 2011 at 2:48 pm Permalink

    Congrats, Sasha! *SMiLE* The aisle is still ready and waiting…

  3. RadDyke January 30, 2011 at 3:00 pm Permalink

    That’s incredible!! Congradulations to you both!

  4. Irish January 30, 2011 at 3:02 pm Permalink

    Congrats!!! So happy for you guys!!! You deserve all the happiness in the world doll!!!!

  5. Raye January 30, 2011 at 3:40 pm Permalink

    I am still wondering how many people fixated on your last sentence. lol congratulations you two.

  6. Insane Femme January 30, 2011 at 3:44 pm Permalink

    OMG This is the best news I’ve had all week!!!! I love that you two are so in love and you have your priorities right, the “marriage” over your wedding “day.” So many brides get all caught up in the wedding day and 6 months later, their marriage is falling apart.

    But you two look like you could go the distance. You are totally my role model. A hot, bad ass femme that found her soul mate.

  7. Joe January 30, 2011 at 3:47 pm Permalink

    It pains me to say this but congrats lady.

    If it doesn’t work out, you have my number.

  8. Natalie January 30, 2011 at 3:49 pm Permalink

    Huge congrats! (And, again, yeah, speaking from experience…it won’t detract one bit from the big day. The peace it will give you in the meantime is more than worth it!!)

    Raye – You’re totally filthy. It’s part of why we get along. ;)

  9. ExDaddi January 30, 2011 at 4:04 pm Permalink

    I wish Remi all the luck in the world, she’s gonna need it. Like I always said, you’re more trouble then you’re worth.

  10. WWG January 30, 2011 at 4:11 pm Permalink

    Why was my immediate reaction “oh my god, she’s pregnant!” Ha, maybe because you were so sick for the last few weeks? Hahahaha little SashaRemi babies would be so cute! (Don’t mind me, half of my former classmates are all preggers or having babies right now so this might be on my mind).

    Anyway, CONGRATS you two! I LOVE that you’re focused on the marriage rather than the wedding. That IS the more important thing to focus on.

    And Raye – you do have a filthy mind. Lucky Sarah!

  11. Sasha January 30, 2011 at 4:14 pm Permalink

    Thank you all, SOOOOOO much!!!! I, well we, were really worried about letting the cat out of the bag, but it started causing problems … which I will be blogging about next.

    Thank you so much for your support. It means the world to me.

    And WWG, that’s so funny because when I let Remi preview it before she left, she said, “I bet people are going to think you’re pregnant!”

    Which is ironic since babies have been on my mind like crazy lately, but I’m sure that will pass. It always does.

  12. WWG January 30, 2011 at 4:16 pm Permalink

    @Sasha Hee! I love it! I sooo predict that’s the next step after the wedding. :)

  13. Riley January 30, 2011 at 4:19 pm Permalink

    STFU Ex Daddi. I bet you’re not even really Sasha’s ex because anyone who’s ever met her, knows that she is worth it. I had the pleasure of going out with her once. She was more beautiful in person then in her photos and she’s as warm and kind as any classy woman could ever be. Remi’s a lucky, lucky SOB. I mean that in good humor, I may be a bit jealous, but only because I want to find true love like they have.

    Congratulations from the bottom of my heart. You deserve it, beautiful.

    Oh I almost forgot the other douche, Joe. You obviously couldn’t compete with Remi, otherwise she would have picked you. So stop being such a sore loser.

  14. Jazmenha January 30, 2011 at 4:19 pm Permalink

    Congratulations

  15. Elegy January 30, 2011 at 4:25 pm Permalink

    “Why was my immediate reaction “oh my god, she’s pregnant!” ”
    LMAO!

    And Ex. isn’t worth the trouble, IMO. This is a happy time for Sasha and Remi. OMG!

    Hey, Sasha! Is Remi going to hyphen your last name, too?

  16. Sasha January 30, 2011 at 4:33 pm Permalink

    @ Elegy, NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I would laugh my ass off if Remi took my Samoan last name and added it to hers. She’s about as white as they come. We have talked about it, but the conversation always deteriorated into laughter after a few seconds.

    Honestly, it doesn’t bother me …. I always thought growing up that I would change my name when I got married, so I was more used to the idea then she was. :)

    Not to mention, she convenient uses her job as a last resort excuse as to why she didn’t add my name …. bleh …. whatever … I think she feels it was the “femme’s” place to take HER name. LOL.

  17. TWolf January 30, 2011 at 4:54 pm Permalink

    Congrats to you both! So glad things seem to be falling into place for you all.

    @Raye… Kinda had to re-read that last sentence myself… with a big grin… You’re not alone there! LOL!

  18. Natalie January 30, 2011 at 5:00 pm Permalink

    Sasha – I got major baby fever right after the wife and I made things official. We got pregnant less than two years later. I’m just sayin… ;)

  19. Jazmenha January 30, 2011 at 5:05 pm Permalink

    Sasha Please note my one word “congratulations” comes with LOTS of happiness and blessings to you guys. I felt bad just writing the one word, but I am just having a very hard weekend so not expressing like I normally would, but I am sincerely happy for you guys. HUGS.
    WWG – Your sentence you wrote to Raye “And Raye – you do have a filthy mind. Lucky Sarah!” was the thing that has made me lol this weekend. You’re too funny. hehe

  20. Elegy January 30, 2011 at 5:08 pm Permalink

    “@ Elegy, NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I would laugh my ass off if Remi took my Samoan last name and added it to hers. She’s about as white as they come. We have talked about it, but the conversation always deteriorated into laughter after a few seconds. ”

    Lol, terrible. But sense-making. xD People would certainly give a double take.

  21. Jazmenha January 30, 2011 at 5:17 pm Permalink

    And P.S. Sasha Honestly, I also thought you were pregnant when I read your title. :)

  22. WWG January 30, 2011 at 5:52 pm Permalink

    @jazmenha – Glad to hear I could make you laugh :)

  23. "Tony" January 30, 2011 at 11:22 pm Permalink

    Wow. Congratulations. I’m sort of hurt I had to read your blog with the rest of the world to find this out. Which I guess makes it appropriate that I tell you congrats online instead of face to face, like I think this whole thing should have down.

    Am I at least invited to the wedding?

  24. D.J. January 30, 2011 at 11:24 pm Permalink

    We r so happy for you! Remi’s a lucky butch to have been able to put a ring on that finger. Congratulations you two!

    And I’m with the others that say this won’t take away from your wedding day one second. Who wouldn’t get excited about getting on that guest list!

  25. San Diego Stud January 30, 2011 at 11:27 pm Permalink

    This is fucking rad news!!!! My heart is singing for your two!!!! Nothing more beautiful than when a butch and her femme get hitched ;) And I agree the wedding day is only going to be better because everyone there knows you guys are the genuine article. No one will be making bets as to how long your marriage will last when you’ve already proven that your dedicated to one another for years before the celebration.

    BTW I love that you took her name. Does Remi know how lucky she is? I pray every night to the man above to give me a gorgeous femme that will love me enough to want my name some day. Damn you guys, I’m about to tear up.

  26. Rexie January 31, 2011 at 1:03 am Permalink

    May faith brighten your home, forgiveness adorn your hearts and words of kindness be your language.

  27. M January 31, 2011 at 3:00 am Permalink

    Congrats! :D

  28. GC January 31, 2011 at 1:00 pm Permalink

    Congratulations Sasha!!! Even though I don’t know you in real life I’m very happy for you.

  29. BiPolarGurl January 31, 2011 at 2:39 pm Permalink

    AWESOME!

  30. Kenda January 31, 2011 at 4:36 pm Permalink

    One of the things I find most endearing about your love story is that you are someone who has been mistreated and told you weren’t worth the trouble by past lovers. And, I imagine, while in a depressed state, you’ve probably wondered if they were right. Then along comes someone who very much thinks you’re worth the trouble. Who loves you just as you are. Enough to share her name with you. THAT is beautiful.

    Congratulations!

  31. Jazmenha January 31, 2011 at 4:50 pm Permalink

    Sasha I was trying to find a congrats ecard to send you :) for this celebration and came across a very cool “GLBT daily inspirational queots” site that I thought you’d enjoy-and others on CCL. :) So this is my little congratulations present to you and Remi. http://www.zdaily.com/d-glbt.shtml

  32. Rexie January 31, 2011 at 5:23 pm Permalink

    Kenda, um…I think your awesomeness is showing.

  33. Jazmenha January 31, 2011 at 5:29 pm Permalink

    Rexie – Kenda’s “awesomeness” showed up a long time ago. :)

  34. Jazmenha January 31, 2011 at 5:32 pm Permalink

    …..and it just keeps on showing up :) I guess Sasha’s awesomeness attracts other people who also have lots of awesomeness themselves. lol (Rexie- Oh yeah Jazi’s back in town lol)

  35. violet m January 31, 2011 at 8:57 pm Permalink

    Congrats Ladies!

  36. Jazmenha January 31, 2011 at 11:04 pm Permalink

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbDSeoMQ0vs&feature=player_embedded
    (youtube- “What Loves means to us”)

  37. Raye February 1, 2011 at 12:44 am Permalink

    lol @ Natalie & WWG. Thanks for the compliments ladies ;) Oh and Sasha I thought you might be pregnant too. I say give it a year or two and we will be reliving this moment about babies.

  38. Kenda February 1, 2011 at 4:15 pm Permalink

    Rexie & Jazmenha – Well thanks *blush*. That’s very sweet. I enjoy your comments as well.

  39. Kayla February 2, 2011 at 6:04 am Permalink

    Congrats! I’ve been reading CCL for a few days now and I’m hooked. I’ve read I don’t even know how many of the back posts so far, lol. I think I’m going to be around for awhile….

  40. serenissima February 2, 2011 at 11:57 am Permalink

    congratulations! i love hearing this, especially considering your dating troubles in the past :) cant wait to see what you choose for your wedding (themes, venue, etc)

    good to have you back and bloggingg!

    http://sartorialme.blogspot.com

  41. Ash February 2, 2011 at 12:50 pm Permalink

    Sasha, I recently stumbled upon your blog one day while at work and have spent the past few weeks reading through the entire story of you and Remi and I must say that I really enjoy your honesty and openness. And apparently fairy tales do exist in real life! Congrats!!

  42. cecilia Fernandez February 2, 2011 at 2:32 pm Permalink

    now you have to throw a wedding!!! and cecilia gets to go… i get an RSVP, for being such a good homie

  43. Saphy February 6, 2011 at 11:03 pm Permalink

    Congrats to both of you.

  44. Ciel February 7, 2011 at 3:01 pm Permalink

    YAY HURRAY!!!!! YIPPEE!!! *throws confetti* I’m so happy for you guys!! Lots of hugs!!!!

  45. Mouse February 13, 2011 at 10:22 pm Permalink

    Congratulations!!!
    Now that your secret is out and about, I’m glad you shared it with the rest of us. I too stumbled on your Blog; I get to smile a lot. (I try not to giggle to loud because I’m at work) Once again Much Happiness to you Both.

  46. TSD February 20, 2011 at 4:49 pm Permalink

    Question, are you both going as Mrs. Smith and Mrs. Lotrian-Smith or Ms. and Ms. I’m changing my name after our wedding to match hers (mine is as generic and boring as Jones so I’ve never been very attached to it) but we don’t know if we should be Mrs. and Mrs. or Ms. and Ms. What did you and Remi decide for titles?

  47. Sasha February 20, 2011 at 11:13 pm Permalink

    Thank you everyone for your support!!!! It was really your support that gave us the courage to go ahead and do it and tell everyone about it! So thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    @TSD …. for our titles: Remi is still Remi Smith.
    I am now Sasha Lotrian-Smith … I hyphenated but she didn’t change anything on her name. And socially, we giggle when we say that we are now Mrs. & Mrs. Smith or the “The Smiths.” Hope that answered your question and let us know what you two decide to do!

  49. Jazmenha February 23, 2011 at 10:27 pm Permalink

    http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-obama-gay-marriage-20110224,0,1863741.story
    and
    http://www.ktvu.com/news/26969373/detail.html
    Things are happening fast……keep an eye out on the news this upcoming week. :) Jaz

  50. Jazmenha March 11, 2011 at 6:23 pm Permalink

    http://www.soyoureengayged.com/real-weddings/
    Thought you’d like seeing all these beautiful celebrations……life is good. :)

  51. Kirsten October 15, 2011 at 12:18 am Permalink

    The whole last name thing is weird with my girl and me.

    At first neither wanted to change her name:I’m one of three descendants of the family who came over from the Old Country who still carry the last name (Albeit a VERY much Anglicized version) and doubt that my mentally handicapped brother or female cousin will produce kids with it. She’s the butch of us two and also would like to carry on her name.
    Then the hyphenation idea came and went (Too many vowels and would have had to be mine, then hers only lest it sound like a name itself ex: Gordan-Thompson)
    Then after a number of jokes about how baby names would have to be sounded out to avoid childhood ridicule with my last name (There is an excellent reason I’m not Belle, for example) we came to the conclusion that since her very Irish last name reflects 75% of her heritage and the better part of half of mine (I’m a mutt of most everything but Asian), we’d go with it.

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