This is not a real post. It’s not exactly, all in your imagination either. It’s more of an extended status update masquerading as a blog post. Have I lost anyone yet?? Yes? Sorry … It’s just been one of those days. I’m off. Like really off. And it doesn’t make any sense because life is amazing right now. Pride was awesome, our social life has been fun, we have a new girl in our group and she’s turning out to be more interesting then I could have hoped for (expect a future blog dedicated to this new beauty) and the latest issue of Curve came out, with MY jewelry in it!!! I also have a few advice blogs I’m working on and about 50 new jewelry pieces I need to photograph and list.
Life is pretty fucking awesome. So what the hell is wrong with me? Had a mini/major meltdown yesterday. Remi had to put me back together like a damn Humpty Dumpty. I’m all over the place, but nowhere that I need to be. My brain is moving a million miles an hour ….. Or it’s not moving at all. Sleep is …. Drugged or it’s not all. I’m more social then normal, except for the crying, zoning out bouts I have for half of the day. I miss one of my best friends that we joke about having lost her to a “love-in” but it still sucks while making a new friendship that seems ….. Promising? There’s a new Mini Countryman sitting in my driveway just waiting for me to take her out. Except I don’t seem able to leave my house without Remi by my side. Why am I being so lame?
So, today I’m going to buckle down and take photos of every piece of jewelry I haven’t listed yet. Then actually list them. Ha! Imagine that. Hopefully by Sunday there’ll be a brand new shiny post waiting for you.
sometimes when things are good i feel completely off balance, or hopelessly upset for no reason at all. for me i think it’s the fear that they won’t be good at one point, and i never know when. and that scares the hell out of me. it makes it hard to enjoy the good moments. hope you feel back to yourself soon. im rooting for you!
I know how you feel there hun. It seems every time life is going great, something in the back of your mind just seems to be whispering “No it’s not. It won’t last. Think of all the bad things.”
When that something is whispering the right words to bring you down, even if you can’t decipher what those words are – at least you know that you have been here before, and this feeling won’t last one bit! I hope you have a productive day, you have a lot of people on your side! (p.s. reach out to your friend you feel you’ve lost!)
Oh gosh, I get it. Everything is going well for me right now after a bit of a rough time and bam! PMS hit me like a brick yesterday. My head swirled into every negative thought possible. Ugh. I even managed to turn a friend’s comment (compliment?) Into something negative. Amazing! But because I’m aware of this, I’m able to turn my head around. That wasn’t possible in the past. Does that mean I won’t feel crappy and emotional at some points? Nope. It just means I’m aware of the cycles and can pull my head out of it a bit better. It’s like when you’re riding a horse and it trips. You’re supposed to pull it up with the reins. The act of pulling its head up keeps it from fully stumbling and falling, which saves both horse and rider. So, I mentally pull my own head up when I see myself tripping by being aware of the signals.
Also, be careful you don’t get so productive that you fall into mania. Sometimes it’s okay to just feel shitty and curl up in the house and feel vulnerable. You know yourself and your moods better than all of us, so do whatever you need to get things back to okay. *hugs*. I’m here to talk if you need it.
Yoga. Meditation. Breathing. Stay away from things that are too bright,too loud, and too busy. Go zen. Stay in the moment and whenever your mind rushes ahead of you, make it come back and make it focus on what is before you right then and nothing else. Don’t give a thought to the things that are waiting for you to do them. If they show up anyway, push them out and slam the door. Concentrate on experiencing the pleasure of the moment even you doing something not usually associated with pleasure. Break everything down into doable pieces and only focus on the piece that is in your grasp. Working on a ring? Forget all of the other rings waiting to be created, and give your energy to just that one. Feel it in your hands, is it cool? warm to the touch? smooth? does it shine, sparkle? what word is it begging to have stamped on it or labeled with? Give each piece the attention it deserves because every one is your unique creation. When they are sent off to the lucky people who adopt them, they will carry your energy with them and that is what those people will wear. At any given time, you can only be in one place, so toss the idea of multitasking aside and give all of you to whatever you are doing, whatever it may be. Remember to draw your breaths deeply. Shallow breathing actually creates a blockage of energy. Warm thoughts. xoxo
You wrote “What the hell is wrong with me?” Well NOTHING is wrong with you. You are going through a down period but you are absolutely magnificent and you WILL pull through this. You are brave. You are strong. You are courageous. You are a friend. A wife. A daughter. A writer. A survivor. Be brave- be yourself. I am totally here for you if you need to talk.
I second Jazmenha, though I could never phrase this quite so beautifully if I tried (on a side note, from what I read, Jaz, you are pretty magnificent and strong yourself). I wish you strength, Sasha. And luck – it runs out, but it’s fun.
S Maschera Wow thank you