I have a new pet peeve. It’s not a big deal, since I’m married. But I imagine if I were still single this would be a much bigger issue for me.
What is up with all these straight gay girls?
What you may ask?
Ok let me explain …. Maybe even a few real life examples.
The other day we were at Trader Joe’s in the gayborhood where It appears that 90% of the staff is family. We love that. So this particular day, our checkout girl strikes up a flirty conversation with me and Remi, but mostly with Remi. Lots of eye contact, lots of giggles coming from the other side of the cash register.
I look her up and down trying to get a better read on this situation. Is she just a friendly straight girl or a gay girl getting all flustered over my wife’s blue eyes she’s already complimented?
Commence visible body scan: Short hair? Check. No makeup? None whatsoever. Visible tattoos? Lots. Extra piercings? Nose and eyebrow. It’s hard to read anything into her clothes because she’s wearing her TJ uniform which is lesbianic already, but not by choice. So that’s out.
I turn my attention back to the slightly uncomfortable conversation happening while she packs our groceries and I see Remi trying to bring me into it, to show that we’re together. And I’m smiling politely just taking it in, when all of a sudden the gay checker girl talks about her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend!? Damn, my gaydar must need an adjustment. Because this isn’t the first time this has happened recently.
A couple roller derby chicks also confused my poor little gaydar and had my head spinning when I was 1000% sure that these, Portland tough girls were as gay as then day is long. They looked the part, acted the part …. They were as counter culture as any self-respecting lesbian could ever dream of being! When they started talking about their boyfriends and husbands, I still held out hope! I mean they were sooooo gay looking I thought that maybe they were with transmen and that was why they used masculine pronouns to describe their partners. But alas it turned out that the men they were all googly over they were indeed bio-men. Which is all good in the hood, I love straight people! My parents are straight and I’m fond of them as well. So don’t get me wrong this is not a dig on straighties.
It’s just more of a *scratching my head and tapping on my gaydar*, “Hellooooooo? You still working?” moment that KEEPS happening!!!!
Seriously what is going on???? Where are all these gay looking straight chicks coming from?? Am I just getting old? Because not too long ago and I mean as little as five years ago, tattooed beauties with full sleeves were not as common as they are today and when you did run across them, a lot of times they were family.
I suppose it’s just a shift in culture. What was once taboo is quickly becoming mundane and what was once a sign of a sub-culture has quickly become part of pop-culture.
I guess it’s a good thing when you look at what it says about society as a whole. Becoming more accepting of “the other” and all that. But part of me still wonders when I run into these straight gay girls, if maybe they just don’t know yet?
(PS: I am well aware of hotties like Kat Von Dee that are straight and just happen to rock the rocker look. I’m not talking about just tattoos as a sign, I mean the whole package. From the way they talk, move and look at me or Remi. It’s downright confusing sometimes!)
Have you considered that some of these “straight” gay girls may be bi and/or closeted?
There’s a closeted butch at my work and I refuse to believe that she is truly straight, despite occasional femme clothes, husband and kid. I’ve caught her checking out another co-workers ass, my tits, and, oh yeah, she flirts with me–hard. (I’m trying my best not to reciprocate–too bad she’s so cute.)
I’m just saying: just because a woman dates/marries/likes men, doesn’t mean she doesn’t also like women/have a queer identity.
So hay, your gaydar may not be broken, you might just need to widen your scope.
The whole thing is SO confusing. I was eating the other day and the waitress (OMG she was HOT- she had tattoos ect and very sporty etc) and I were talking and then she (twice!) said to me “give me hug”/”I want to hug you” lol So I let her. We kept talking about random stuff and then she said “…my girlfriend” and then talked about her (her own) x boyfriend.??? So confusing. Women use “girlfriend” to refer both to their friend or to their lesbian girlfriend. There are straights that “act” gay flirty and gays that “act” straight. Ahhhh I am just going to get a pet it’s MUCH easier than trying to meet someone.
“Commence visible body scan:..” LMAO
my gaydar has been craptastic even before these trends you speak of! grrrr…can you imagine my frustration now?!?!?
ah well…we’re taken women. so it’s not that big of a deal. but, it really effs up the “who’s family?” game
@ Jaz – Lol on just getting a pet. This frustration is probably where the saying Die, hipster scum, die! came from.
Somebody should get a tattoo or put up a billboard that reads, “Tattoos are for lesbians only!”. I thought I was going to be so good at this and that I had fabulous gaydar. The most confusing is when someone starts checking you out and standing close to you, not because she’s a lesbian, but because (I’m guessing) she senses something different/intriguing about you. FEH.
Kendra yes and the unbelievably sexy tattoo covered sporty stranger asking you a couple times to hug her before she uses the terms “my girlfriend” and “my x boyfriend” is not confusing at all. LOL (Side note LMAO today I’m wearing a shirt totally not at all like what I usually wear- it is baggy,super casual which is total opposite of my usual shirts- and my mom said “You look like a lesbian in that shirt.” I almost spit out my drink. lol Hummm I’ll have to wear this shirt more often.
)
And Sasha you never disappoint with the pictures you match with your posts. (“I like”
blush, yeah I definitely would choose a woman without a shirt over a man without a shirt any day of the week!!! yipes did I actually say that out loud lol I’m running away to hide now lol)
I TOTALLY know what you mean. But then again…I am often considered for a straight girl as I am rather high femme. My wife is not super butchy dyke or anything but she is definitely more so than me. When I moved to Ithaca and got a job the women there were worried about offending me because they thought I was such a “pretty little traditional Southern girl” and they are all hardcore middle aged lesbians. Needless to say they were super surprised when I used the SHE pronoun in reference to my fiance!!
But…it is becoming more accepted for curious girls to step out and try their hand at flirting. We are becoming more accepted, and like you said, perhaps more “pop” culture than sub-culture. UGH!!!
http://www.oatestosow.blogspot.com
Or you could just ask. Something like, “Oh wow, I like those books too. Tell me…Do you like penis or vagina?”
I’m pretty sure your answer will be revealed then. (In addition to looking like a freak-show)
@asecondlook OHMIGOD I just spit my water all over my work computer monitor!!! That was friggin funny as shit!!
@ asecondlook – And I almost pee my pants laughing….there has to be an easier way lol I say we just all wear
“Got Lesbian?” shirts lol
Jazmenha…lmao!! It’s all I can get out…
Femmelover- well those shirts would help avoid such confussion. lol I want a “Got Lesbian?” shirt for Christmas.
hummm maybe I should ask my family for it. lol
Talk about coming OUT with that one! Hahaha.
My BFF is this way. I tell her all the time that she’s tripping up people’s gaydar. Tats, short hair, piercings, love of tank tops, THUMB FREAKING RING. And then she says things at dinner like, “I could go down on a cock for hours.” OMFG. Of course, moments like that are why she’s my bff.
I’d like to think that a lot of those “straight” chicks, are really lesbians in training…you’ve got to start somewhere. I dated a lot of supposed straight chicks before my gf, some are still with chicks, and some with guys…I guess you never know.
maybe the lesson here is less judging, more living.
I came out of the closet a few weeks ago and I’m 24! Yep I’m a late bloomer! Before then I had crushes on guys, mainly celebrity guys, and I didn’t fit the stereotype gay girl! Also maybe these girls are recently out gay girls or bi girls, but then again, maybe they are just big time flirters and flirt with everybody they know! I have a lesbian friend who is very femme, been married twice and twice divorced to men, and even though she is super out lesbian, still flirts with everybody man or woman like crazy! Stereotypes kill, and they must go away!
p.s I’m taking this picture, BOOBIES!!!:D
Check out
SO hot
http://www.tophotbutches.com/the-2009-list/2009-6-10/#6
Of course my personal favorites
from the link I just posted are Jenny, Syd and Ivan C. But like all butches they are all attractive to me. 
Jaz – honey, if she made it a point of saying “my girlfriend”….even with a follow up of “my x-boyfriend”, my guess is that she was absolutely trying to give you a hint – yes…she does swing that way lol. I know (when I’m single) I ALWAYS make it a point to mention “my x-girlfriend” in the conversation if she’s cute ;c)
Heather
but she didn’t use x with “my girlfriend” so if she is bi etc then maybe the hint was she is taken. Who knows lol I mean she did ask several times to hug me but that could just be a friendly thing. Like my x Crush always told me I’m huggable. hehe
Another vote for some of these “straight gay girls” being bi. Also they may be in open relationships.
Yeah… as a recently discovered bi femme, i’d have to say it def makes it even more confusing when you don’t really have any gaydar, or any know how to figure out gay vs. straight. It doesn’t help that pretty much every hot, butch, andro, tomboy, tattooed,pierced, any of the above girl makes me want to tackle her to the ground and do naughty things :p le sigh…. what’s a girl to do?? I certainly can’t go around tackling all the hot girls… :p
I feel this, except I’m on the prowl, so it’s doubly frustrating when the boyfriend gets thrown in. I don’t even think I look gay enough at this point — some of these girls have it all over me.
Lately I have had issues with not knowing whether straight girls are flirting or just being friendly.. Recently been analyzing encounters with a seemingly straight coworker who appears to be flirting. Several facts about her make my gaydar go “ding!” Never married, nose piercing, told me she shaved her head when she was younger.. also commented on my ass and mentioned tina turner’s hot legs.. Agh it’s a headache! And also intriguing..
p.s. here’s a link to my recent blogpost about this: http://carlybethscloud.wordpress.com/2011/11/09/is-she-or-isnt-she/
It’s getting more and more confusing! I hate when I feel like my gaydar is off. But I also don’t think I can complain about “gay looking straight women” since I’m a “straight looking gay woman”…but I still wanna complain. :p
I just love the photo in this… Every time I see it I get flashes of an underground lesbian fight club. x3