Something funny happened when she told me, “I didn’t expect to fall for you so fast.” I could barely hear her over the music and the crowd of pretty gay boys packed into the Abbey as if it were the only place in West Hollywood that night. When she said that, I felt like the whole room stopped just for a split second.

I got an elbow from a stranger behind me, pushing me even closer to my date as I strained to hear if I heard her right? Did she just say what I thought she said? We stared at each other, both of us waiting for something. I was waiting for her to clarify or repeat herself. She was probably waiting for some sort of coherent response from me other then a dumbstruck smile on my face.

I leaned in and whispered, “What if I told you I felt the same way?”

As if on que the friends that had been fashionably late showed up just in time to break the mood. We smiled, hugged, shook hands and made small talk but my thoughts were spinning back to the moment before when she said, or when I thought she said, she had fallen for me.

Wait. Did she mean she was falling for me? Or that she had already fallen for me? What did that mean exactly? I wanted to kick myself because my girl brain was kicking into overdrive and all I wanted to know was, “What does this mean? Now what? What’s next?”

I wanted to just jump in without even looking into whatever this was between us. But then thoughts of Mr. interrupted my romantic daydreams and I felt a pang of guilt and worry. I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want to lose her from my life. I’d heard of lesbians remaining friends with their ex’s but this was somewhat of my relationship unicorn. I had only heard stories, but had never been able to capture that particular magic. Maybe now was my chance. Maybe I could remain friends with Mr. Since we were anything but healthy for each other as lovers, maybe as friends we would somehow work better.

My attention was brought shooting back to Remi as I felt her hand take mine. She has a way about just taking control of a situation and handling it with such deftness that I feel weak in the knees and just smile as she reassures me with a kiss or a hand at the small of my back.

Could I do this? Could I actually be in a relationship with someone who’s …. gasp … wait for it … good for me???? I don’t even know how to do that!!

The night had just begun and Remi was just getting started making me see her differently that evening.

By the end of the night and the one arm pull ups she did in the park after the club closed, I was seeing something in her that I had been afraid to see before. I saw strength. Not just physically, but strength of character and emotional maturity in the things she said. When I looked back over the time I’ve known her, she’s been consistent in all these things. But for some reason I hadn’t appreciated them till now.

Well I guess we’ll see what happens.

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