By Guest Writer, WWG
She wasn’t my type in the least. It was a business meeting, informal, but still for the purpose of business. My eyes, therefore, were meant to stay at hers. But her top? Well, it kept slipping down to reveal sumptuous cleavage. And, well, I lost the fight.
Night. Mare.
So, this is the blog of truth. And the truth I am admitting today? I, WWG, sometimes objectify women. Oh, I don’t try to, but it happens. Can we all just admit that women are fucking gorgeous and so goddamn distracting sometimes? I’m not always like that, I swear (but not under oath)! I mean, she wasn’t even my type by a long shot, and she definitely wasn’t gay, but folks? It was a realllly nice sight. And so, the lesbian side of me won out.
Now, I don’t want people to read this and think “all lesbians are pervs”, because we’re not. But in that moment (or should I say 30 fucking painful minutes as I desperately kept trying to drag my eyes away from her chest and get back to business) that I felt somewhat sorry for straight men. I realized the dilemma I face – the internal dilemma of:
Lesbian vs. woman
As a woman who has been the subject of pervy looks at times (including you, guy last week who looked straight down my top – yes I caught you), I want to be angry at myself and say “how dare you subject another woman to that?!! You know how it feels.” As a woman who has found unwanted hands on my body at times, the caring, loving, side of my womanliness wants to protect, care for, and cherish all women and provide them a harbor against that kind of thing.
However, the other part of my experience, of my life, is my sexuality. And my sexuality is a woman who loves, lusts for, drools over and yes, occasionally ogles women. As a femme woman who is rarely taken for gay, I am aware I can get away with more than my obviously gay sisters can. “What, me? Staring at your tits? Noooo, I just, um, like your shirt?” That only works sometimes though because anyone who ogles for more than a quick second gets caught, no matter what you look like. And that can be quite embarrassing, let me tell you!
To clarify, It’s not that I entirely mind someone checking me out (nope, not even guys). I don’t. It’s when they openly ogle my goodies after I’ve made an effort to cover myself. The unspoken communication there is “I’m not comfortable with your ogling me.” To continue to do so (yes, you on the subway who attempted to look up my skirt after I caught your eyes and gave you an angry look) is just disrespectful.
I have never had a woman give me that look, but that is not who I want to be. I love women, I respect them, and as a woman myself, I know how awful it can feel when someone is clearly undressing you with their eyes and making you feel unsafe.
How do you all handle this dilemma of woman vs. lesbian? What do you do when your eyes are acting like a frat boy at his first strip bar?
Oh my god. This is so true. As a radical feminist, my internal monologue goes “omg that’s so patriarchal. How can you do that?? How can you look at her ass while she’s on a ladder fixing the window? You hardly even know her! That’s not cool!” but my eyes go “whoa. Nice ass”.
I try to be really cognizant of it. And usually, my mind wins. But yes. I too sometimes objectify women. And I know I do it. Maybe that’s half the battle? Recognizing it’s problematic? It doesn’t change anything, but it also doesn’t just make you a mindless ogler?
I don’t know…it’s something I struggle with too.
Hm… am I the only one who thinks the ‘pervy looks’ are a primal thing, not patriarchal? After all, it’s not like straight women do not obsess over men’s asses/chests/arms/whatever. Besides, in this particular case, it was a woman looking at another woman – I imagine everything about it would have to be different, especially the power dynamics.
We are human, we look at whom we desire. Or at certain parts of whom we desire. Or at desirable parts of whom we do not desire. It does not have to be political.
Then again, I might be wrong, or still insensitive to feminist issues – I am pretty new to all of this, so forgive me if I offend.
Oh wow, I’m so guilty of this though I don’t think I’ve ever been caught staring (my fiance excepted, lol). I agree, I think we femmes tend to get away with a bit more in the ogling department… I love and admire the beauty of women in general; there’s just so much variety in both physical traits and the way a woman expresses herself, through her dress, her hair, her movement… it’s hard not to notice that beauty when half the world is comprised of living works of art.
Fortunately, I don’t think it’s naturally assumed that a woman is checking out another woman for sexual reasons. I sometimes find it hard to tell if that woman in line is checking out my butt or just judging me for wearing white pants after Labor Day. There’s also less of a creep factor when I catch another woman ogling than a guy. I know it’s a total double standard, but I’ve been followed around stores by overly interested guys, verbally harassed and catcalled, etc… so far it hasn’t happened from another woman. Not to say women are never guilty of objectifying each other in such ways… I know it happens. It just feels like a different kind of objectification for me, personally.
But I think your point was, even if it goes unnoticed sometimes that it’s still something to try to be above… I hear you. And completely agree with RadDyke, I think acknowledging it as a problem is a big deal, and obviously being aware of the other person’s signals: are they uncomfortable, etc.. The creep factor for me is usually in the person not caring if they’re making me uncomfortable, not so much them checking me out.
Hm, nope. I don’t experience woman-guilt. I don’t normally find myself checking people out- at least not in a professional setting, I’m able to compartmentalize and that part of my brain just goes dormant. It’s actually sometimes to my detriment, because I become completely oblivious to when a woman is hitting on me. I also acknowledge that part of it can be credited to femme privilege; If I’m staring, they’re usually staring back. I’ve also found that I can be a bit of a “straight-bait.” I mean, it just has no place in a professional setting, and I agree that if someone feel uncomfortable about it, the behavior should immediately stop.
The only times I’ve actively avoided staring was in a gym changing room- because we’re all literally naked and exposed! Of course I’m like, “whoohooo, I’m naked!” but I totally understand that it’s meant to be the least sexual location of nakedness, so I turn that side of my brain off.
I also agree with S. Maschera- it’s way more about primal urges. I check out someone if I find them attractive, or something they have attractive. Yes, even men- with men it’s usually a toned butt or attractive face, but it caught my eye. With women, it can be anything, everything.
That said, staring is rude- so practice the 1-3/3-5 second rule! One (or three) second look, 3 (or 5) seconds look away, and don’t look more than 3 times.
I promise, that’s not how I am on a daily basis. Usually I can control my eyes, but that day, they just were not cooperating with me. It was so embarrassing! That’s what got me thinking about all of this.
@Kat: “it’s hard not to notice that beauty when half the world is comprised of living works of art.” I agree here and this describes my appreciation. Add in all of the fascinating ways women can paint themselves, and the world becomes a museum with an ever changing exhibit.
I am going to admit that as a woman who is also rarely taken for gay. I love the advantage to be able to allow my eyes to indulge in every aspect that makes a woman beautiful and sexy… oh and I can’t leave out my sexy-ass butches!
Best way to get away with ogling when you just can’t help it. Focus on something not directly at them and enjoy the view in your side vision. Everyone looks. It’s human nature to stare at things appeal to us. As said many times through this though stop if they show they notice and want you too. Being stared at can be creepy and a little scary
Oh my god i totally agree. you should call me. I’m in the closet about how I truely feel and thinking about telling my parents. Someone call me. 7042666381
…as another super-femme (*high*-femme is the term I often hear…) let me tell you this: we are totally cognizant of what we’re doing. That statement goes completely hand in hand with this one: there is more than one kind of oogle.
A polite, ‘I’m trying not to, but you’re just too damn hot and you know it’ glance, with the obligatory cute smile afterward is quite welcome, and ‘thank you’ for the complement.
The creepy, ‘I’m visually molesting you’ stare (that 99.9% of the time comes from icky guys -ala the sub-way up the skirt guy you describe is slap-worthy-not-ok.
I hate to further generalize, but I kinda feel that most lezzies are intouch enough with their own feelings and emotions to know the difference… eh?
My bigger point is that the latter is never ever ok, no matter what you’re wearing or doing. The first is being welcome by the choice of the slim fitting blouse, etc. and then further welcome by the gentle lean in your direction, etc.
I agree with you Illa. If women didn’t want to be appreciated, we’d all wear burlap bags with a rope belt and go barefoot (although SOME women can even rock that look). We’d never cut and color our hair, wear makeup, get mani/pedi’s, shave our legs, or torture ourselves in skyhigh heels. A glance of appreciation is quite welcome. It is the reward for all we do to keep ourselves not only presentable, but desireable. Even a butch will go to certain lengths to look good for the ladies. Admittedly, their style is more carefree, but I am sure they go through the same angst as the higher maintenance femmes about their skin care, haircuts and getting their outfits just right. They want to look sharp, and I am sure a nod and knowing smile in their direction just makes their day. It’s the whole picture that is being presented and what should be appreciated. I don’t mind a double take after I pass by, especially if I am feeling as fresh as a flower petal floating on a breeze in summer. Put away your xray specs though because that’s when I start getting really uncomfortable. Appreciated, yes, undressed by your eyes while we’re trapped on an elevator together, BIG NO.
Big difference between full body checkout OMG you ARE a hotty look and an interested yet respectful OMG you’re a hotty look. Straights, when given the first look over example, tell guys (in their head) “keep it in your panets”. So, in reference to ladies check out ladies in terms of the first look over example above, keep ‘em in your shirt ladies.
Having class is much more important that doing something that can be interpreted as creepy or over the top.
Typo – pants (hehe)
Rexie, from a butch perspective I agree. It is really hard to pull off the care free tomboy look but still look sexy. We all like to be appreciated. If I’m not in the mood to get the sweet eye, I wear baggy unflattering clothes and just do what I’m out to do and go home. If I’m wearing some pants that show off my ass, a nice shirt that looks good, have my hair done, maybe even a small amount of makeup, HELL YES I WANT LOOKED AT! Do I want mentally molested? Uh no
I have no issue objectifying women, and have no issue being objectified. No issue. Why? Sexuality is powerful – own it. If someone looks at me, undresses me with their eyes, and wants…fantasizes about having a go…why not let them fantasize? At the end of the day, I go home to a hot chick, and don’t mind a bit.
I think objectification is only horrible if you don’t own it…if you see yourself as a victim. I just don’t think that way. I buy my gf little thong underwear, and ask her to prance around in a half-covering bikini at the beach…I love it. And, I’m happy to do the same for her.
On that note, I consider myself a total feminist. It’s not about ‘patriarchy,’ or ‘male gaze’ or any of that crap…it’s about owning who you are, and what you want. Obviously, what is ‘socially appropriate,’ is also something you have to deal with – but everyone has to play by the same rules…that’s the beauty of it.
Go ahead a crucify me for it – but to be honest, it’s the same philosophy I take with my blog. I’m a more feminine chick whose gf also fits that category, and sure (as others have said) we get away with a lot more. But, I would use the standard of what’s business appropriate, and not apologize for being who you are – at all. Appreciate away.
@Jul – I can’t disagree more. Feminism is about women being viewed as people and not “things” (i.e. – something to fulfill the lustful needs of another). Go ahead and objectify your girlfriend all you want. If it’s consentual between the two of you, the sky’s the limit, nothing is out of bounds. If you want to strap a rubber chicken hat to your head and cluck around all day pretending you’re a chicken, by all means….
“I think objectification is only horrible if you don’t own it…if you see yourself as a victim.” I need some clarification, please? If you don’t “own” it? That has nothing to do with anything in my opinion. Not wanting something is entirely different to owning it. I don’t want some creepy stranger, man or woman, looking at me to get their kicks, that’s what Playboy is for. I am simply living my life, trying to get through each day as best as I can. I didn’t sign up for anyone’s leering stares, and I certainly don’t want them. I don’t see myself as a victim, but if you are making me uncomfortable, you just might end up as one. I don’t consent and I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about it or told that I have a “victim” mentality. It’s about MY choice, not theirs. It’s about ME being more important to me than some stranger, and I couldn’t give a flying fuck about the fantasies of some creepster, just don’t point them at me. If you want to be an exhibitionist, FINE, that’s YOUR choice, I wish you all the best displaying yourself in whatever porn media you choose. I, myself, and just trying to get by, and that you condone someone taking my choices away from me is against every feminist doctrine there is.
Look, obviously I don’t display myself in ‘porn media,’ as you suggest…that was a little over-the-top don’t you think? (though I do have some great recordings we’ve made at home)…This is my thinking.
I am not the ‘thought police.’ If someone wants to look at me, and masturbate furiously when they get home…I could care less. In fact, it’s a compliment. I don’t care if I’m someone’s fantasy. I can’t control what other people do, so why not own my own sexuality? I don’t care if they check me out, make cat calls, or anything else – When I hear it, I say ‘that’s right baby,’ maybe throw a sarcastic kiss, and keep walking. I’m not sure really why someone looking at you would make you uncomfortable. We don’t live in a country where it is expected that women wear burkas.
Saying that, I don’t dress provocatively – I dress for me. I like things that fit, and I work hard for my body – I’m pretty proud of it. I’m also pretty proud that I’ve snagged a hot chick – why would I care if someone ‘else’ notices she’s attractive? As long as she comes home to me at the end of the night – I don’t care how people might leer or stare or whatever. They clearly just want what I have…and that’s not offensive to me.
The thing is, no one is ‘taking away your choice’ by having their own thoughts about you. It’s their private thoughts! They’re including you in knowing of them by being verbal or obvious. In truth, they can have thoughts whether or not they leer. Should you probe them for these too?
The only difference is that you prefer people to keep thoughts to themselves rather than being aware of them. I’d personally rather be aware and be proud of who I am.
Feminism is about equality. I like knowing where I stand. To pretend people are asexual is odd. To want to stifle that is also odd to me (aside from a business or other environment as I stated above). When I’m at the beach in a bikini, should I tell people “don’t look?” Of course not. I was approached while at the beach for a television segment a couple of years ago – maybe I should have run away screaming?
I just don’t get it. We all like to look – even fantasize – about other women. We read stories of sex on this blog, see half-dressed chicks, and even recently one with another’s hand down her underwear. We enjoy it…is that also objectification of sorts? Sure.
There are many kinds of women in this world. If you don’t like being looked at – that’s totally your right…but don’t act like there is only one true feminist position on this…because if you do your research, you’ll see that is simply not true.
Life your life watchful of others, feeling violated by words, and self-conscious…and I’ll live mine engaging, joking with a vocal passer-by about sexuality, and feeling good about my day. It’s all perspective.
You missed the point entirely. You took it personally more than I did. I wasn’t really referring to you, specifically, but more of the mindset you were espousing. Same goes for the “porn media” comment, which was to illustrate that anyone appearing in those gives their consent to be viewed in a sexual manner. I never said a word about anything being asexual, I was referring to CHOICE. I certainly realize I cannot control people’s thoughts, and I am sure I have been the subject of more than one fantasy, but I believe the topic was “ogling”. You certainly aren’t the last word on feminism, your viewpoints are much more chauvanistic and your argument was much more like what a man would throw out there. Deflect and offend. Are you sure you’re a woman?
I get both of your point of views. They are both reasonable but to each their own. I just think the average person needs to have better manners as to not sitting there stalker watching women. Glance, compliment, flirt, maybe even some catcalls and all that but be within reason. Don’t sit there like your jizzing your pants. From the perspective of someone that HAS been a victim, it can be terrifying to have someone eyes linger to long. More power to the confident women that don’t get that freaked out, but remember, some women do. Show them the courtesy they show you and be polite
Rexie –
It’s kind of typical. You hear a confident, comfortable woman with her sexuality and try to question her womanhood. Sad for a feminist. It’s a strategy I guess. Unsexing us is the same strategy men have used for years…and it’s tough for a lot of less secure people to handle in general. It’s the same logic that lends those who are not fit to call fit women ‘bitches,’ or put down pretty girls because they’re pretty. But heads-up – not all women think the same…and I respect that all women have their own point of view. It’s really funny though…apparently you have no friends like me. You need more of us! We’re a fun group. lol
Perhaps ‘you’ missed the point. I just think it’s interesting that a woman who might (I don’t know if you did) watch the L Word (watch women having sex), support the L Word (where I am sure many watched solely for the sex at times), read stories of eroticism here, and look at gratuitous pictures of women here, would have no problem with objectification….because you participate in it yourself. Get my drift here?
I don’t hold others to some mythical standard that I dont’ hold myself to. I also agree with ButchKitty, that I’m not fond of someone ‘jizzing in their pants,’ over something… that seems different than the ‘oogling’ we were discussing – but I’ll have to think that one over. I’m always open to revision.
Truth is, I’m honest with myself. I’m honest about who I am, and what that means about who others are. I think my sexuality is powerful. By averting your eyes, hiding yourself and feeling ‘offended,’ you inherently let someone else control your own emotions…and that’s not who I am. I play with it – have fun with it – and move on my way. Life is far too short.
The following is a general thing based on the way the conversation is going, it is not specifically addressing any one comment:
The point was don’t impose your fantasies on someone who is not willing to participate. Everyone enjoys themselves, but if you’re making someone uncomfortable: Back. The FUCK. Off! Don’t invalidate their experiences by calling them a victim, or framing yourself as a victim because “everyone has those thoughts,.
I will directly address this quote:
“When I hear it, I say ‘that’s right baby,’ maybe throw a sarcastic kiss, and keep walking. I’m not sure really why someone looking at you would make you uncomfortable. ”
As we live in a world of rape (one of the reasons such leers can make someone uncomfortable- now you know), I wouldn’t encourage such behavior with *just anyone*, particularly disrespectful creeps (of both genders, as same-sex rape is a thing). It can be thrilling and fun to respond in such a way, I know, but for anyone else taking that upon themselves: don’t forget your surroundings, your own strength, and to size up the person prior to such behavior. It’s very obvious people either don’t know about boundaries, or simply won’t respect yours. I hate that anyone may need censor themselves because of another’s ignorance so I’m not telling you how to dress or react- just TIPs from personal experience.
Okay, Jul, I’ll go with it. Trust me when I say that I am quite comfortable and connected with my sexuality. I don’t wear my 8 inch bronze platforms with buckles, zippers, and a tiny lock and key for nothing
True, I am guilty of watching the L Word and looking at pictures of women I find interesting, sexy, and pretty but again, it’s about their choice to put themselves out there to be ogled. I don’t find all stares uncomfortable, only those coming from people who set off the creepster alarm. A man with green teeth, greasy hair, 2 day old stubble, with palms that smell like his spit hiding behind a palm with his hand in his “pocket” as he looks at girls going about their day at the park is more like what I’m talking about. Like I said, I appreciate the glances of appreciation because I know the hard work keeping myself up is paying off. I will give the signal if further advance is ok, but likewise, I will also give the signal when it’s not, but I would like to be present in that choice. I may be shy face-to-face, but it does not mean I am self-conscious. I know the personal power inherent in sexuality although, I don’t wield it to my advantage if it is going to disadvantage someone else. You’re right though. I could probably use some fun homies to hang with. Carry on.
No one wants someone that they want to “fuck off” getting off. If I look away it’s not because ” that person is controling my emotions” it is because I am looking away- simple as that- period.
Elegy –
You make a good point about ‘rape culture’ and being aware of your surroundings…I completely agree. I wouldn’t be doing that in a dark narrow pathway at 2am while alone. You’ve got to have your wits about you.
Rexie –
I actually think you and I would get along fabulously in real life – you’re fiesty, and I appreciate that. I’m glad that you see that we participate in ‘objectification’ …even if someone puts themselves out there to be looked at, the person who uses that material is still the objectifier…without them, it couldn’t exist. And hey, if you want some ‘fun homies’ you can always feel free to hit me up on Twitter (@grrlplanet)…I’m chatty with everyone.
Jazmenha –
Yeah, it wouldn’t be my choice if some creeper gets off to me…but hey, even creepers need a release. If he wants to oogle…I’d give him the same comeback as anyone else – or something especially sassy – I’ll make his day.
I think there are different levels and layers of checking out turning to AYFKM. I have been a serious victim of what started out him looking at me so to me the topic has victim connection. Obviously I’m not referring to general flirting. I
OMG she was HOT!)
was just at Target and just
saw the HOTTEST butch I’ve ever seen but I was too damn shy to even say hi. (kicking myself
Remember ladies, be careful who you respond to, they could take it as an invitation
“I play with it – have fun with it – and move on my way”
The problem with this is that you’re validating their behavior. You’re reinforcing their belief that the conduct is acceptable and effectively says to them it’s alright to continue doing it. You’re telling them you like being objectified. If that’s the message you want to send then go for it, you have every right to express yourself in any way you wish. But it shouldn’t surprise you that there are other women who find this kind of thinking rather counter-productive and ultimately harmful.
Yes I totally second that Butchkitty. You must be extremely careful who you trust. I trust no one until I REALLY have spent time w them and even then ain’t nobody love ya like your mama and your dog.
Very well stated Jennifer. Again their is a HUGE difference between genuinely innocent flirting and oh shit run!!! flirting. I’ve experienced both and trust me you don’t mess w the creepy type just thinking it’s on them they can get off on me if they want. I’ve stared down the barrel of a gun. I’ve been trapped in a car. I was young and dumb. It all started with a creepy look and a not taking them seriously attitude. Now someone tries that shit on me and there will be absolute hell for them to pay. But those were lessons I could have done without. Again there is a HUGE difference between fun, genuinely harmless checking you out flirting (which I believe the original post was addressing) and creepy, over the top, potentially dangerous checking you out (which is where the comment section went). I go no where except work with a large dog that will literally protect me with her life (she has jumped 3 fences to get to me and insists to gaurd my bedroom door every night- hehe she is crazy but too cute), but in the end and in reality we all stand alone. We all must protect ourselves by ourselves and more importantly for ourselves.
Ok, the comments thread went a little dark… Anyhow, everyone is entitled to their degrees of comfort with being ogled at/flirted with/being checked out etc but as ButchKitty said; be careful.
ION am I the only one who got stuck at “8 inch bronze platforms with buckles, zippers, and a tiny lock and key”?? Rexie, *whistle*whistle*
lol Novia.
Regarding street harassment: http://rookiemag.com/2012/05/it-happens-all-the-time/
Holy shit, I go off to do life stuff and come back and there’s 32 responses? Kickass!
Okay, I read them all and (I’m making a supposition) that the general subject that you all started talking about was NOT women ogling you (other women), but men ogling you and making you feel uncomfortable. I am very aware that that is the basis of this conversation – since we’ve pretty much ALL had some man ogle us both comfortably and in an uncomfortable way – my goal was to bring up that condundrum of being a woman and having those experiences and yet a lesbian who naturally looks towards and has feelings and lusts after other women.
That said I’m sorry that this topic has brought out some of the more horrible aspects some of us have gone through (Jazmenha) with men. Since the topic went to a dark place on its own, can I redirect it a bit and ask if anyone has felt objectified (in a negative way) by a woman? Or does a woman checking you out always make you feel sexy, even if she’s not your type? Has the way a woman looked at you made you feel uncomfortable (not in a solely violent way but a sexual way – as in, not like ‘she may rob me’) or you felt she was being creepy towards you? What I’m wondering is if it’s possible for women to give us that creepy sense in the same way men can.
Ps. @rexie “are you sure you’re a woman?” – that was way harsh Tai!
Yes, women have the opportunity to make someone just as uncomfortable as men. If I have experienced such a thing, I cannot immediately recall it. I think in most cases I would be pleased to be recognized, especially in that the looks have not crossed the line into creepsville.
WWG – duly reprimanded. I apologize. That was harsh. As far as your question about whether or not I’ve ever felt creeped out by a woman staring, the short answer is yes, I have.
A woman has never made me feel uncomfortable by looking, leering or staring at me. I’ve simply thought them to be socially inept, sexually immature, and likely in desperate need of a lay…much like I see guys in that same situation.
lol Jul. I do like your diva attitude. An example of an instance that gave me the creeps happened just last week. I was in a nail salon getting a spa pedicure. In the opposite row facing me there was a very tall, amazonian type of femme. She wasn’t unattractive, per say, she had long blonde hair and had a unique sense of style. When I looked at her the first time, she had her eyes locked onto me and had this fixed goofy grin on her face. Initially, I was flattered. The next time I looked, it was like she was a carved statue because she hadn’t budged and was still staring me down with the weird smile, but this time intention had been added. I felt a little sympathetic thinking she must be lonely. Every time I looked in her direction she had that unbroken stare and, I don’t know how to describe it, but the indicators got more desperate as time wore on? I do believe I detected a fair amount drool at the corner of her mouth, and I’m being serious, not sarcastic. I guess being checked out to that degree was not really what bugged me so much, but it was something about the look in her eyes that did. A mix of crazy and I don’t know what to call it, but it seemed she wanted to devour me right then and there and I suppose had I given her the cue that it was ok, she would have done just that. Nope. Can’t say I was comfortable. I am not generally attracted to femmes in “that” way. I love them as friends but I don’t find myself checking them out in a sexual way. I save that for the butchier types. Maybe I should take some lessons from Jul and WWG and learn out to blow these things off when they happen.
Rexie –
What a creep! In the ‘safety’ of a nail salon, you could have really prodded her…you could wrote on a big piece of paper ‘Look Away’ and held it up for her, noticeably pointed her out to your nail attendant – and both wave at her like a moron (showing her you noticed, and she’s ridiculous), …or even got the store owner to sho-sho her because she is interrupting your salon experience. It’s all your take.
People are freaks, I don’t disagree. But, usually, as freaky as they are (and that drool bit was freaky), they’re usually not scary…just completely inept.
I actually laughed reading that – people are just weirdos. I forget sometimes how strange they can be. But scary? Maybe I’ve lived in Philly too long to think much is scary at all anymore.
Oh, you’re East coast? And here I thought you were a Cali girl! Why do I think almost everyone here is Cali or West?
Yeah I remember back in the day I questioned if a commenter was a guy (same ballpark as questioning being a woman) and I was torn to shreds in the comment section for that….
Elegy – I’m repping the east coast I guess. Live in Philly, but used to live in Boston for a long time….
Jazmenha – It’s no biggie…it doesn’t bother me if someone questions anything – it takes a lot more than that to ruffle me. I’m kind of secure in who I am. I actually read that out loud & my gf had a laugh. I’m an athletic femme – so it was particularly funny…it’s never a mistake made in real-life. Funny how internet translates…and Rexie and I are cool.
It just interests me how much inequality exists in the world/Internet etc in that one person says one thing and gets fucking thrashed and another person says the same basic thing and it just goes under the radar with a later small “slap on the wrists”. I’m an advocate/ public defender and that stuff really bothers me.
I’d say it’s situational- how it was said, where it was said, what else was going on. I don’t even remember the incident you’re referring to, Jaz. It doesn’t seem like something I’d want to carry around.
OK Jaz. Rip into me if you want. Anyone else for that matter. Anything to make you feel better.
Rexie you missed the point. I did not “rip in” you that is not my style. I merrily stated a fact- I was fucking thrashed on another post for saying almost the exact thing you did. I guess it made people feel better doing that to me.
Hmm im a bit late on this but here’s my take anyway. I’ve never felt uncomfy because of a woman oogling me if they don’t touch me im cool. I am guilty though of checking out more than i should, and going down the deep end with not so innocent thoughts. But in the end i always respect a lady it is instilled in my system.