Drum roll please ……

OK so in racking my brain to remember every place in Los Angeles that I’ve been able to pick up women, get picked up on or just spied some juicy possibilities I have come up with the following list.

(Sorry to my readers who are not local, but maybe your home town version of the same places might hold the same lesbian magic that these places seem to.)

First let’s begin with the obvious, obvious because they are deemed to be “gay” stomping grounds anyways, but still some are better then others.

1. Topping my list is Girl Bar in West Hollywood. It was the very first lesbian club I ever went to and I went alone. You can imagine how scared to death I was. But I ended up fooling around with one of the go-go dancers in the bathroom and then getting yelled at by her girlfriend in the parking lot. It was a good introduction to the lesbian club scene.

But honestly, Girl Bar is always a good time and I’ve never been there without getting at least one or two numbers stuffed in my pocket, even behind my girlfriend’s back. I only say that to stress the fact, that when women are at Girl Bar, they’re there for a reason; to have a good time.

2. Next on my list would have to be Executive Suite in Long Beach on Saturday. Now this is definitely a step down from Girl Bar in almost every way. How should I put this delicately … it’s ghetto. But it’s fun, cheap, the drinks are strong, the music is usually pretty good and chances are high that you’ll either talk to someone or they’ll talk to you. I’ve met a lot of women here. A lot of interesting nights have been had by all at the Suite. But I have to warn you, if you go too early and by early I mean before 11:30, you’ll see a lot of desperate lesbians and by your mere proximity to them, you will begin to feel desperate too. So save yourself some time on the therapist couch and don’t go till later in the night.

3. After that I would say head down the beach a way to Ripples which is Debra’s on Friday nights. The drinks are even stronger and the music usually better. It’s right across from the beach so after you smooth talk your way into making out with some little hottie on the dance floor, you can suggest a romantic walk on the beach to get some fresh air. That’s what Remi did and we ended up having sex for the first time right there on the beach after a hot night at Ripples.

While I haven’t actually picked up any women for myself there, I have picked up quite a few for my friends …. what can I say? I’m generous like that.

4. The Library Coffee shop on Broadway in Long Beach. You’ll always find a house full of gay people, both men and women. Most with their laptops open or a book in their hands pretending not to notice what’s going on around them. But most if not all, are happy to start a conversation with a friendly lesbian asking them what they’re writing, reading or what they think about Obama. It’s a bit of a cerebral crowd here, you can always find at lest one highly educated butch working on their dissertation in child development or political science. Even I wrote most of my Masters thesis right there at the Library.

5. My last “gay” spot is a little coffee shop in Long Beach called Hot Java. It’s actually right down the street from the Library. If you’re into butch women this is a good place to start. They have open mic night once a week and the joint fills to overflowing with butch women. If you’re femme, you’ll feel like a popsicle in the middle of a heat wave from all the eyes on you.

OK so on to less obvious spots that I’ve had a bit of luck with:

6. Whole Foods Market in Torrance on PCH and Crenshaw is brimming with gay women. I kid you not, I have never seen so many lesbians working under one roof and they’re all pretty damn friendly.

7. The Bodhi Tree bookstore on Melrose in Hollywood. Lots of new-age, hip hippies who will think it’s karma that they met you and that you were lovers in a past life.

8. Art galleries. Check your local paper for art gallery openings happening in your area. For some reason, lesbians seem drawn to them. There’s nothing better then free wine, interesting art work and bumping into a hot woman. You even have a built in conversation starter, “So what do you think about this piece?” Before you know it, she’ll be thinking about the piece she might get later that night and if you’re lucky you will have had a night filled with culture and romance.

While this may not be an exhaustive list of every place I’ve ever met a woman, they are the easiest places to meet one, in my experience.

So having perfected your gaydar, it’s time to move to the next level: Either ask her out or make it so painfully obvious that you want her to ask you out (not in a desperate, “I haven’t been laid in a year” way, but more in a “I’m pretty into you and I think you’re into me, so let’s do this” sort of way).

Go on ladies, what are you waiting for? There’s lots of lonely women out there just waiting for you to make their day. I’m serious, don’t be selfish. It’s not just about you, it’s about them. Think about it …. you’re doing them a favor by hitting on them: 1. You’re complimenting them and who doesn’t love that? 2. You’re paying them attention and again I say, who doesn’t need more of that? and 3. How do you know that you’re not the best thing that hasn’t happened to her yet? Why deprive the poor girl any longer?

By the way, if any of you have any places to add to the list, don’t be stingy … let us know. Your fellow lesbians will thank you.

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