On the heels of the 3rd anniversary of Prop 8 passing, Remi came home today with some disheartening news from her work. We already knew that since she works for a federal agency, there was a good chance that they wouldn’t offer any domestic partner benefits. But over the last few years, we had heard and read some rumors that her particular agency was making some serious strides in the way of LGBT friendly ways.
One thing in particular we liked was when we heard that they would be extending The Family Leave Act (FMLA) to domestic partners. FMLA allows the federal agent to take time off of work to care for a sick family member. Without that counting against them in any way. This is huge as you can imagine. It would even extend to in-laws, who might require some extra care when going through an illness. But also, it would be able to be invoked in critical times when, oh I don’t know, maybe a bipolar spouse is going through a dangerous episode and requires constant care or hospitalization for a short time.
Remi has never tried to invoke FMLA out of fear, that in spite of the promise that it won’t harm her career, it might anyways. And remembering my short time in the corporate world, I can see how it could if the wrong people were aware of the situation behind it.
However, today Remi came home with some bad news. They are NOT extending FMLA to domestic partners. But to make up for it, they are allowing you to take your own sick leave to take care of a sick partner. Oh how nice of them. When a heterosexual person invokes FMLA it does not count against their sick days. But if a gay person has a family emergency, they’re being kind enough to allow them to use their own sick days. But even that is really at the discretion of your superior, so you better hope you have an ally in then workforce.
To add insult to injury, it was also made known that should a straight man in federal employ, knock up some random chick and never get married to said chick, he can still invoke FMLA for that situation as well as take 12 weeks of maternity leave to do what ever the fuck he wants to do, as long as he says it has to do with his baby’s momma. Who, let’s remember he never made an honest woman out of. But a lesbian or gay couple that are legally domestic partners, have planned for a child, do not get any of these “benefits.”
After throwing up in my mouth a little about the hypocrisy of DOMA, since all of this has trickled down from them. I then started wondering if we were going to be able to get health coverage? Because we were under the impression that when the season opened in a few weeks, we would be eligible. But if they’re not acknowledging domestic partners for FMLA, does that mean that health insurance is also off the table?
I don’t know yet. Time will tell and I will let you know what happens. But in a quick Google search on the topic I found this disturbing piece to the puzzle.
We’ve previously discussed a non-salary benefit that we’ve nicknamed the gay gross-up. Here’s one concise definition: “A ‘gross-up’ for employees who enroll same-sex partners in the Firm’s health benefits plans to offset any federal, state and local income taxes paid on the value of the partners’ benefits which heterosexual spouses are not subject to.” (Currently gay couples in which partners receive employer-provided health benefits are taxed on the value of those benefits, due to the fact that, thanks to the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), federal law — including federal tax law — doesn’t recognize same-sex unions.) — Above The Law

The whole DOMA thing sucks. I hope the US soon gets it act together and follows all the countries around the world that are treating us like everyone else. That would make life so much easier for you.
That is total bs if the tables were turned all hell would break loose. Gays are NOT second class citizens. Hummm maybe we don’t need to pay taxes on our wages if we are viewed as so unimportant in the workforce. Sorry u guys are dealing w this.
Hey Sasha –
In 2007, California instituted state law requiring domestic partners to be afforded the same rights as married spouses (Cal. Fam. Code §297.5):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_partnership_in_California
This includes identical access to family leave, insurance benefits, etc. So Remi should be able to take FMLA for you just like any straight spouse (also, California has an add-on to FMLA called Paid Family Leave – which allows six weeks of paid leave to care for a spouse, child, etc.). Admittedly, I don’t know the ins and outs of federal agencies, and perhaps they have some bullshit loophole to remain exempt, but she should definitely take it up with her HR folks (or, if they are unsafe to talk to, someone with the state who can tell her definitively what her rights are).
Cannot wait until this is all just a non-issue for us married queer folk.
Hi Natalie,
Unfortunately, they have a MAJOR “loophole” and so far, claim that even though they are in the State of California, federal law outranks state law, whereby effectively fucking us over. Because she works for a federal agency, and gay marriage and domestic partnerships are not recognized on a federal level, they are hiding behind that oh-so-convenient way to fuck over not just their employees, but many of them (like Remi) are veterans as well. And with DADT being repealed I’d like to know what the next step is???
Does anyone know?
Gay Marriage Laws
http://www.freedomtomarry.org/Laws
Build a Majority for Marriage. Sign the Pledge to Support Gay Marriage.
Click on “Speak Out” and “Resources” in the link I just posted even though when you click the link it might say ” page not found” the site is definitely still is active the home page must be temporarily down. Great resource.
http://www.freedomtomarry.org/blog/entry/military-families-file-lawsuit-to-challenge-the-so-called-defense-of-marria
Thanks Jaz!
You’re welcome Sasha
hope it helps. That site in an incredible resource. It’s well known but if it’s new to anyone I encourage them to read, support, keep updated, keep informed. Not just those who are married but everyone – gay rights are human rights. Here’s an update on legislation Nov 3rd http://www.freedomtomarry.org/blog/entry/senate-judiciary-committee-begins-markup-on-respect-for-marriage-act-today. I’m addicted to this site too- well NOT as addicted as I am too CCL.
What is so disconcerting and dysfunctional about this is benefits could not be denied if a gay man and a lesbian chose to marry eachother so one or the other would have benefits such as employer provided health insurance. They could even openly live in separate households with their respective partners, and they would still be entitled to the same marital benefits as a straight couple. Talk about a loophole!
Exactly Rexie! In fact when Remi was in the Marine Corps, we new quite a few lesbians that were in the service and married men (straight or gay it didn’t matter) that were perfect strangers for the added benefits they both would get! Its called a contract marriage. The service member gets extra money for off base housing (which they use for a sweet beach house and some toys, like motorcycles etc) and the civilian gets free health care. Which SUCKS because here, these strangers that don’t even really know the person theyre “married” to, get VA health care, but married gay couples get none of the VA benefits that these fake hetero couples get!
This entire system is so fucked up, it boggles the mind.
Sorry, I meant we “knew” not new
Here’s this:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/donnad/how-gay-rights-is-nothing-like-legalizing-beastali
Elegy I LOVE that link/cartoon and hope CCL readers spread it all over FB! Great one!