I was really over Pride by the time we got home. My back was killing me, my head hurt and I felt irritable to say the least. But Remi had been drinking all day and the last thing I  was going to do was send my drunk girlfriend out to a Pride after-party without me. So I sucked it up and went with.

We knew parking would be a bitch so we circled around surrounding area praying to the parking gods for a lucky spot. It worked and we found a spot a block away. But just as we crossed the street, Remi remembered she had left her cell in the car. So I stood there on the corner as she jogged back. As I was waiting for her I realized that the car I was standing in front of looked just like Mr.’s car.

No freakin’ way. What were the odds? I looked in the windows to see if there was any tell-tell sign that it really was her car, but no such luck. By now Remi was running back across the street and I decided it was pointless to tell her that this may or may not be the dreaded ex’s car.

By the time we got to Hamburger Mary’s there was a line around the block. Half of our friend’s were eating over at Roscoe’s and the two drunkest of our group was supposed to be saving our spots in line. Here’s some free advice: never send the two most fucked up people in your group to do the most important job. It never works out.

As we were looking for our friends in line a huge fight broke out inside the parking lot (which was fenced off for the party). Everyone was standing on tip toe, climbing up on the fence or into trees to try to get a better look. I was scanning the crowd for our friends when I saw my ex, Mr. jumping up on the fence as one of the spectators.

My heart jumped into my throat. But not because I was happy to see her. I knew this would be trouble. Should I point her out to Remi? Did she see me already? Should I just act like I didn’t see her and keep my mouth shut, hoping we didn’t run into her later?

As soon as Remi made her way back to me through the crowd I blurted out, “Mr.’s here.”

“Where?”

I pointed her out, Remi smiled and said, “This should be fun.”

The line to Hamburger Mary’s was at a standstill due to the fight, which led to the cops being called and fire truck. Apparently some flamers needed to be put out.

So this left Remi, myself and two of our friends standing in line behind Mr. for about an hour. Thank God, there were enough people between us that I don’t think Mr. saw us. But that would all change once we got inside.

We had finally made it inside and although it was an indoor/outdoor party, I didn’t want to be outdoors any more. I had enough of that while standing in line. So I made up the excuse that I had to find the little girls room just to get inside. But Remi was not about to let me out of her sight.

“I’m fine. I’ll be right back.” I insisted.

“Hell no, you know who’s here and I do too. You are not going anywhere by yourself tonight. I’m coming with you.” was Remi’s understandable response concerning recent events.

So we made our way in and through the pulsing crowd of happy Pride revelers. The music was pounding, it was jammed packed and difficult to cut a path through the party goers. Remi had my hand and was leading me through the crowd when I kid you not, someone hit the slow motion button on my life. The crowd parted and Mr. walks right towards us, makes eye contact first with Remi then with me and back to Remi and says nonchalantly, “Hey guys, what’s up?”

I didn’t say a word and tried not to show any expression one way or the other. Remi simply smirked and they locked eyes in a contest of “who could give a smugger look.”

I couldn’t believe it. All this time and all the trash that had been whispered in my ear from both sides and when we finally come face to face, Mr. says, “What’s up guys?”

Really? Is that all she had to say?

There’s a lot of bad blood between Remi and Mr. They had only met once before and that was more then a little antagonistic. Of course at the time I was dating both of them at the same time and was kissing Remi at Ripples when Mr. walked up.

But since then a lot had transpired to make both women feel like they had a legitimate grudge against one another. If for no other reason now other then they rubbed one another the wrong way.

There were a few more random sightings of Mr. throughout the night. At one point we were dancing a few feet away from her and her very tall date. Another time we saw her smoking on the patio and decided to avoid the drama and go out the other way.

But it wasn’t long until we were going through a doorway when Remi and Mr. came face to face again. Mr. smirked again, like she’s so good at doing and Remi, having had a few beers and growing tired of it, shoulder checked Mr. pretty hard as they passed by one another.

Mr. then bumped into me pretty hard and said once again, “Hey, what’s up?” so casually I was actually confused.

The last time I heard from her a week prior and she told me “Fuck you bitch fucking go to hell!” So I pretty much assumed she hated my guts at this point. She has also said, on several occasions that she’d love nothing more then to beat down my girlfriend and put her in her place. Or something to that effect.

(To be fair, I should make it clear that both women have expressed similar feelings towards one another.)

The night was winding down and most of our friends had left for the evening to care for the overly drunk in our crew. Leaving behind myself, Remi and Little R. I hadn’t had so much as a sip of alcohol all day which was a good thing since Remi and Little R were having plenty for all of us.

We were about ready to leave when we saw Mr. and her date doing the same. I thought we should hang back and wait a little bit, since remember as fate would have it Mr. and Remi ended up parking right across from one another. Not one to back down from any possible confrontation and Remi insisted that we go when we had wanted to go, not changing any plans for Mr.

Mr. and her date were just crossing the street to our side when Remi shouts out to her, “Ohhhhhhh shit, look at this, It’s Mr.” and laughs out loud in a way that sounded more like a challenge then anything.

A few words were exchanged as we passed each other on the sidewalk  but Mr. waited till we were well out of striking distance before she started her trash talking.

While we may have been out of striking distance, we were not out of ear shot.

Remi heard this and took it as her opening to unleash on Mr.

Mr. jumped in her car, leaving her date out on the sidewalk to get in on her own. While Remi stood on the sidewalk yelling things at Mr. like, “Don’t ever fucking talk to my girl again! Don’t text her! Don’t email her! Don’t even fucking look at  her! Don’t ever fucking contact my girl again!”

Little R was standing right next to her and after every declaration could be heard backing up her friend with a drunk yet forceful, “Yea! That’s right! What she said!”

I wasn’t sure what to do at this point. I didn’t want to see them actually come to blows. Up until this point I didn’t think it would ever actually come to that. But Remi was really letting loose with the threats and promises and Mr. wasn’t backing down too much either.

From the safety of her car, with her engine running, she would yell random trash out of the window to further instigate the situation.

At one point and I’m not entirely sure how this happened but Little R ran into the street and dared Mr. to get out of the car and fight her. At that point Mr. threw her car in park and opened the door about to get out.

But her date (who had no idea what was going on) was begging her not to do it. That and the fact that although I am no longer a fan of Mr. one thing she is not is stupid. She was outnumbered by two drunk Marines. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out it’s probably a better idea to stay in your car.

But not before yelling, “I’ll slap the shit out of you!” to Little R.

At which point Remi launched from the sidewalk straight at Mr. Who quickly got back in her car and began driving away, yelling insulting things out of the window.

Remi kept telling her to get out of the car and fight, using some very colorful language on both their parts as I’m sure you can imagine. At one point, Mr. drove away pretty quickly when it seemed like Remi might yank her out of the car.

This was the point in the night that is seared into my memory forever. Seeing my ex speed away into the night, as my girlfriend chased her, on foot down the street yelling at her.

It was several things all at once. Comical for the sheer absurdity of the moment. But mostly it was just hot, because having my gf stand up for me like that was pretty sexy. It was also upsetting. Having an ex call me names and having my gf put herself in a potentially dangerous situation was not fun for the grown-up part of my brain.

So, in the end all I can do is wonder what will happen when the inevitable occurs and we run into her again. The lesbian world is a small one, made smaller by the fact that we live within a 10 mile radius of each other and frequent all the same clubs.

Well it’s Remi’s 25th birthday this weekend and she’s flying her crazy, beautiful sister down from out of state to celebrate with us. So we’ll be around …  if Mr. feels she has unfinished business she can find us in WeHo this Thursday and Friday. I know Remi would love to see you again. But for everyone’s sake, I hope you stay home.

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