What do you do when an old lover, who has long since passed into the friends only line, shows up drunk at your doorstep after seeing her ex at Pride?
Anyone that knows me, knows that I am notoriously anti-social and will hardly ever answer my phone, let alone my front door. Especially if you swing by unannounced. That is a major no-go in my book.
But there are always a few friends that know, if they really really need me, I’ll push through my social phobias and at least, peak out through a crack in the door and yell, “What the hell are you doing here?!”
Well last night, Tony showed up in my driveway around midnight. Knowing better then to knock on my door and scare the hell out of my very sheltered corgi’s, she called me from her car. But like I said, I’m anti-social most of the time and didn’t answer. So she sent me a text. It read: I’m outside.
I ran to my bedroom window and confirmed that she was indeed, outside. Ugghhhh. I was not expecting company and was already snuggled up in my pajamas. And I hadn’t done laundry yet this week so I was down to my dorkiest pj’s I save for when I have absolutely NOTHING left in my drawers. I looked down at my granny nightgown I had on over these baby blue pj pants with puppy dogs all over them.
Ehhh. She wasn’t invited and beggars can’t be choosers. So I decided if she really wanted to see me, she could deal with my little house on the prairie meets sesame street ensemble. But not before I called her.
“What the fuck are you doing here?!” I demanded. Not at all happy about being forced into social interaction.
“I saw Willa and I kissed her and I kissed some other girl but then her girlfriend tried to punch me.” Her speech was a bit slurred and I realized right away that not only had she had a drama filled Pride, she was also too drunk to have driven to my house. That only further pissed me off.
So I did the only thing I could do. I made her a cup of coffee and then shuffled out to the driveway to figure out what was going on.
I jumped into her car, demanded that she drink the coffee and tell me what had happened.
To make a long, convoluted story short, she saw Willa at Pride with a new butchie. From what I can gather, they kept running into each other throughout the day and eventually ended up at the same club later that night. At some point, Willa managed to ditch her date and lay one on Tony. Tony, being drunk and stupid kissed her back.
Luckily, alcohol hadn’t killed all her brain cells yet and she managed to get a grip and pull away.
But what’s a little dyke drama without reciprocal acts of fool hearty, jealousy inducing behavior. Still drunk, Tony finds the first willing femme, within eye shot of Willa and starts dancing with her. Dirty dancing led to kissing and kissing led to the ever-so-willing-femme’s girlfriend to storm across the club and yank Tony around and off of her girlfriend. I’m sure we can all see where this was headed.
Only Tony’s been taking krav maga for about ten years now and even as drunk as she was, she still managed to duck. Lucky for Tony, unlucky for the poor femme standing behind Tony. Who unfortunately caught her girlfriend’s anger full on, in the nose.
Straight out of a bad teen movie, the angry butch had accidentally hit her own girlfriend and now all of them were getting thrown out of the club.
Embarrassed by the scene, confused by the kiss with Willa and just all together fucked up that night, Tony somehow found herself at my place. Great.
Remi was due to be home any minute and here I had Tony lamenting on my shoulder about how hard it is to find a good femme now days, that loves butches as much as I do …. can anyone else see that this is not headed in a good direction?
To be continued …..