Picture description: “Wrong Century” — Brilliant illustration by artist Tomas Kucerovsky depicting the fate of plus-size beauty in the modern age.
By Guest Writer, Elegy
I know too many beautiful people who are not confident in themselves in the most superficial sense: how they look. It’s not their fault, everyone has their moments of weakness- even the people we admire as beautiful have things they want to change, even if just for a fleeting second. Nobody’s satisfied! You reach your standard and you’ve become so warped that you can’t win for losing! So, I see this distress and it distresses me, I want to take them by the shoulders and firmly tell them, “You don’t have to look that way! It’s your body! Take control of it! Take it back!” My friends have told me that they admire my confidence- it wasn’t bestowed upon me, I fought for it! By now I’ve taken a more relaxed approached to beauty, and I hope this helps people when they’re feeling low.
I may not be the beauty ideal right now- in fact, I know I’m not. That doesn’t matter to me. But when it did, and when it does, I reframe my mind like this: I know that somewhere, at some point in time, the way I look is idealized, romanticized, and strived for. It may be 1,000 years from now, it may have been 1,000 years in the past, but my beauty was valued. That’s it, that’s enough for me. People may not recognize it now, but that doesn’t make me not beautiful. Your beauty spans across time and distance. Remember that.
Expand your cultural horizons, even in this century and you’ll find this to be true: that features people struggle with in the “West” are features people struggle for in the “East,” and vice versus. That all around the world you’ll find your neighbors with a variety of different beauty standards. You can throw your hands up and say you can’t win! Or you can take what is yours, claiming your beauty for yourself and recognizing that each and every part of you is something valued.
Yes, this philosophy still hinges on the opinions of the great mysterious “other” (getting validation outside of oneself), however I feel it’s a more proactive and body-positive stance. A step in the direction of owning your own beauty, on your terms. Not everyone can stand on their own right away, so I’m giving a tool to help.
The above image is the one that inspired me to finally write my stance and share it with a wider audience. It’s called “Wrong Century” by Czech artist Tomas Kucerovsky, which he originally created for an art magazine.
Wow, this made me feel better about myself! My confidence has been kinda low since I put on weight and.. just, thank you Elegy
Thank you
I have always had a blunt, matter of fact outlook, when it comes to beauty (and life in general) and it goes something like this, “Someone in the world is going to find you beautiful and someone is going to find you ugly.” Once you realize that, then it really doesn’t matter anymore. Keep living and fuck the rest. The only validation I need is within myself because it is only myself who can live in my skin and share my unique experiences.
Elegy, great post. I can relate to what you wrote. I’m also a little chubby now. Although my mate loves my zaftig body, I don’t always feel comfortable with it. But if I’m gonna be voluptuous – I wanna own it. So, I’ll eat the rest of that scrumptious scone, but pass on the clotted cream.
Very well put. I’d never thought of it this way before, but it makes sense.
Striving for good grooming habits, being all about head to toe detail when dressing up, working hard for the best a body can be, and being as healthy as possible – all these things are like a pretty vase. They are but a vessle and hold the beauty of the heart. Pretty is as pretty does. If you’re ugly on the inside, you’re ugly no matter what you look like.
This was meant to be included, here are the sources:
Source of description:
http://judgmentofparis.tumblr.com/post/26560849405/wrong-century-brilliant-illustration-by-artist
Source of topic:
http://www.judgmentofparis.com/board/showthread.php?t=2500
Everyone can be beautiful to someone. I watch people walking in couples and I know that even if they are not my thing, it’s really cool that the balding, overweight hairy guy with horrible fashion sense and armpit stains has someone who loves him. There is something both gross and cool about that.
Ultimately, though, if I’m honest, I put a lot of pressure on myself…and likely the person I’m with. I expect if you ‘can’ get a certain physique…why not? If you don’t, it’s just laziness in your relationship to me – I do sleep with you, and I work hard for that…why not you? Having a great body is hard frickin’ work. It’s eating a certain way, it’s time at the gym, and it’s living a certain way. But, to me, having that body gives me a lot of confidence – maybe it shouldn’t, but it does. I don’t feel self-conscious in anything, naked, or in lingerie; and to me, it’s worth it. I don’t think anyone could stand to live with me if they didn’t feel the same way. Thankfully, people like that exist. The gf I have now loves fitness on her own, and was like that before she ever met me.
I’m not some eating-disordered person or whatever…I eat like a beast…but it’s clean – grilled chicken, veggies, etc..not a lot of carbs. My body is like a temple to me.
The thing about it though, is that if you are not ‘me’ or not sleeping with me, I don’t care what you do, look like, etc. I’m not someone who laughs or points or whatever – those people are a-holes. Everyone has different lives…some might just not like fitness, have medical issues, emotional issues, or have a different preference for themselves or their bodies – and that’s fine. If I’m not sleeping with you, I don’t care at all. Everyone has their own way of seeing and representing themselves in this world.
I figure if someone can put up with my crap, there’s got to be someone for everyone.
I love the picture you found. Although, I feel like the name “wrong century” detracts from the message. It’s almost like justifying the way people were looking at her.
She is beautiful. The art is beautiful. You can be beautiful in a plus sized body. You don’t have to be from another century to appreciate it.
I’ve always told my friends this, but they hardly ever listened. I always felt that my female friends needed to hear that they were beautiful growing up. So I told them. And I told them often. Of course this led to everyone whispering rumours that I was gay… used to drive me crazy.
…Although as it turns out, I guess they were right! lol.
Elegy, I want to hug you for this…thank you, thank you so much! Over the weekend, someone called me fat to my face, and it got to me. The thing is: I’m not fat, I’m not tiny either but it still got to me a lot. And this post has just reinforced what I’ve been trying to tell myself all day- that I am beautiful and should just forget about what she said.
Again, thank you.
Beautiful post Elegy.
@Novia
Should anyone say anything to you in the future, rip them a new one. Who are they to comment on anyone?
There is a great biblical saying (I know, the bible, right? – former catholic girl):
“You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” it’s in Matthew somewhere.
Unless they are the pinnacle of human specimen, and I haven’t seen a perfect one yet, I’d rip into them. I think people know who will just ‘take it.’
My friend and I were out getting ice cream for a party six months or so ago…and she’s larger than me. A TOTAL STRANGER said to her “do you really think you should be buying that?” I was shocked. I told her to maybe think about getting her apparently pregnant husband (standing beside her) to the gym before she makes comments to anyone else. I wasn’t going to make a scene and we just left.
My friend cried. I never realized what other people go through around that, and they need to shut the fuck up.
WTF is WRONG with people!
It’s a sad fact weight bias and discrimination is still socially and even professionally acceptable. All other discrimination categories have been eliminated, so why not this, too? You’re right, Jul. The bullies should take a good long look in the mirror. Over the past weekend, I saw two grown-ass men making fun of a woman in a parking lot. She was simply trying to go to the store, the same as anyone else would. She appeared immune to their taunts, and I felt so bad. I took a look at them, and I guess the look in my eyes was enough to beat them back because they slithered back under their rock immediately. To give a run down, they both had bad skin, greasy hair that looked like they cut it themselves, nasty jeans, scuffed tennis shoes, wrinkled t-shirts that looked like they had been pulled out of the dirty clothes hamper, and they both could have used a shower, but I guess the car they live in doesn’t have one. What made these morons believe they were in any position to judge anyone?
I may be in the minority here. but it’s not just overweight people who have body image issues – I’m a few pounds underweight, small boobs, no hips, all bone pretty much. I eat a varied diet and exercise moderately. Nothing will make me gain weight. I’d like to have some curves, something soft for my gf to snuggle up to but that’s probably not going to happen (not without spending lots of cash anyway). What virgo said pretty much sums up the whole thing for me, be happy within yourself – fuck what everyone else thinks.
And an ugly soul will always show itself at some point, no matter how pretty the wrapper it hides in.
This post is meant for anyone it can help, it isn’t about any specific struggle, and it’s a method to lean on when you’re finding it hard to cope with your struggle. And I’m happy that it can be of help to so many of you.
I would normally say more, respond to everyone individually, but it’s been a long day. <3
WOOHOO! This gave me the guts to get on cam and go out and all that today with no make up and ugly ass clothes! It actually felt pretty freaking great!
The most beautiful people on the inside tend to get a ton of ignorant hate by people who have ugly insides. I use to care what people thought now I honestly do not give a shit. I am not this planet for other people’s drama I have too many productive and wonderful things to do. I have porcelain skin BUT I am half Italian and so I use to get crap for that. Some people find fault in everyone but themselves. We are all uniquely beautiful. We all have a purpose and a right to be and to embrace ourselves.
Elegy OMG your blog the third picture with the lady in the black see through dress and top hat. OMG she is HOT!!!! Why the hell isn’t everyone a lesbian – hummm maybe they haven’t see all the CCL pics and now that my goodness.
@ Jul, thank you for the idea. Also, bible quote? lol! I’m also a former Catholic school girl.
About your friend, that is so mean!! And unfortunately, it’s usually women who are more likely to have a go at someone for looking a particular way, it’s very sad.
@ Grrl I have an underweight girl who says exactly the same thing! She finally decided to stop caring what people say/think and she’s much better for it.
Heather ” I always felt that my female friends needed to hear that they were beautiful growing up. So I told them. And I told them often. Of course this led to everyone whispering rumours that I was gay… used to drive me crazy.
…Although as it turns out, I guess they were right! lol.” LOL I did the same thing with the same result! lol
Jazmenha – It’s sad when other people know us better than we know ourselves!
Oh well, I was a late bloomer. But it’s great now that I’m here
P.S. I LOVE your name
Thanks Heather. That is my CCL name created by a very brief meeting (well waiting in an insanely lone line talking lol) with the hottest butch I have ever seen (sigh). It was at a jazz festival (Jaz), I NEVER felt that instant chemistry with any man/men (men), she was giggling like a giddy school when we hugged bye (ha). OMG now I miss her
We were total ships in the night. The jazz festival was exactly 3 yrs ago this past weekend. Never saw her before or after that random time. Sorry for off topic reply.
Oh, I don’t mind. I enjoy that origin story. RE: that picture- I only really liked it for the hat. x3 Lol, that’s tumblr.
Elegy Hummm
the hat yeah that’s where my eyes went too 
Well whatever the reason behind it, I still love the name. And I like how you and the hot butch came up with it. (Or used her as inspiration to come up with it)
Sorry you were ships in the night… what ifs are torturous.
Did you go back to the jazz festival to try to stalk her the following year? (I would have! hehe)
This is fantastic. I am trying to re-learn this for myself and regain the confidence that I used to have. It seems like it was easier at 18 than it is at almost 28. Then again, at 18 I was basically told that I was worthless and ugly by a person who never should have done so and it was done in a way that it still bothers me years later. Each step is a small progression to where I want to be.
I was looking for this:
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz1gmdmu8k1roa0d1o1_400.jpg
Heather- no hehe but I did think about that hehe. I made the name up in her memory. That was the most intense connection I have ever experienced w a random stranger. It was crazy, I mean we only talked for a very short time and it took me a year and half to stop thinking about her. I still remember every word of our coversation. And she told me about very personal sxperiences etc. Every year the jazz fear comes I think of her. AHHHHH anyhow…
Elegy- “my confidence- it wasn’t bestowed upon me, I fought for it!” SOOOO true. Society is VERY judgemental on looks. Getting a sense of self from within verses externally is very challenging. That is a critical mentality that parents must teach their daughters/sons. I was NEVER taught that and so I am right
guess that was a sub-conscious typo the “fear” of never feeling that intense instant connection again. 
with you on fighting hard for it. Elegy this is a post I could, should read a hundred times.
Heather- jazz festival
Love it. Curvy is beautiful and hot. We don’t all want stick-figures.
And there’s nothing wrong with wanting or possessing a smaller frame, and smaller frames are also capable of being curvy. Aim for feeling beautiful without needing to detract from the beauty of others.