I asked Remi the other day if she ever finds herself silently saying, “Oh my God! We’re MARRIED!”

Because I do! A lot actually. Not as much as the first few months, but every now and then, while going about our regular day I catch myself looking at her and thinking, “This is my wife. This is the person I will grow old with. We’re married, we’re family, this is as real as it gets!” I won’t lie, it totally blows my mind. Not in a bad way at all. More like a *pinch me, is this really happening?* way.

I asked her the other day what she thought about marriage now and she said, “It’s not what I expected. I thought it would ruin our relationship. But it hasn’t, it’s actually made it better. I love it.”

I have to agree with her. Since tying the knot, our relationship has never been better. All those insecurities I used to have about us, that kept me acting like a brat with one eye on the door every time things got hard, just faded away. It doesn’t even matter if gay marriage isn’t legal yet in California. Our domestic partnership is every bit as much a marriage as any heterosexual couple could possibly dream of. More even, if you consider that we, as a gay couple are together in spite of society’s laws. I think that makes us that much stronger.

Recently I’ve been asking myself, how has marriage changed me? And I think I have a few answers to my own question. Which is always a good sign.  I like to keep a healthy dialogue between me, myself and I.

First of all, I think it’s made me more self-confident. I married someone that loves me without makeup on, in my pj’s, at my worst. So it doesn’t really matter to me anymore what anyone else thinks. Not that I go around looking like a bum. Just that I feel free to be more me.

It’s also made me a bigger dork. Together, Remi and I dork around constantly. I have never laughed as much in my entire life before her, combined as I have since being with her. And like any silly couple, we find the humor in a lot of things. Now with my new found self-confidence, I let go a lot more in public when the mood strikes. So it’s not unusual to spot either one of us, or both of us dancing to bad music in stores, pretending to be little old ladies, yelling at each other in Target or any number of random inside jokes we have and act out in public now. I’m married now! What’s the worse thing that could happen?

So in summary, marriage has had a calming effect on me in the way that I feel happy and safe most days now. And that’s a good feeling. It has also greatly increased my desire to break out into the running man in inappropriate places.

I’ll admit I’m not 100% there yet …. as in 100% brave enough to fully express my inner dork in public. Some days I just feel shy. But I’m actively working on getting out of my shell and having a wife like Remi, that has no shell is definitely helpful on my quest to release my my alter ego.

Hopefully, one day you may be reading about our mini, two person flash mobs that we’re working on! The following video is my current inspiration   Except it will be just me and Remi doing the hammer time dance through the aisles of Target. But hey, it’s a start.

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