Drama. Something I lost interest in back in my twenties. It’s the reason I had stayed off FB for so long, because every time I would say anything positive about my life, some long lost relative that never gave two craps about me in the past, would jump on there and be like, “Where’s my wedding invitation?” … Really?
OK … let’s just get to this because I’m actually writing this as I’m steaming from people’s audacity to get bitchy that they weren’t invited to our extremely tiny, intimate wedding.
Here’s the cold hard truth:
If you were not 1000000000000% supportive of our marriage the entire time, you were not invited to the wedding.
If you have said mean and hurtful things about us, you were not invited to the wedding.
If you did mean, horrible things to people we love, you were not invited to the wedding.
If you are related to me but we haven’t seen each other in ten years, you were not invited to the wedding. Not because I don’t like you but because we don’t really know each other. Regardless of blood, it’s just that simple. The time to try to rebuild fading family ties is over coffee or dinner. Not our wedding.
If you are a friend, but we don’t hang out on a regular basis or see each other for a thousand reasons … like life, you were not invited to the wedding. It’s nothing personal, I probably wasn’t invited to yours either. Don’t let Facebook confuse you, just because we hang out on each other’s walls all day, doesn’t really equate real bro-time. Once again, the time to rekindle old relationships? NOT AT OUR WEDDING.
So who was invited to the wedding????
As few people as possible. We really wanted something small and here is why:
I am not a very social person.
I don’t like crowds.
Neither of us ever really wanted a wedding until we won Prop 8 and felt like … well … we felt like celebrating!
We don’t like things too traditional and big seemed “traditional” to me.
We had a destination wedding. And when you ask someone to buy a plane ticket and a hotel room, they better love you. A lot. So we only asked people that we would go to the ends of the world for too.
We paid for it ourselves. We didn’t have or ask for a dime from our families. Because I think that’s archaic and not at all appropriate when two adults decide to have a wedding. So paying for it ourselves, you have to think about the numbers and every person there starts to look like they have a pretty hefty price tag on their head to feed, imbibe and bribe with favors and sit in a chair. Seriously. People don’t realize when you have a sit down meal how expensive it is and if two people you didn’t really want there are coming, it’s not just two more meals. It’s two more chairs to rent, throws off the seating, so another table, more candle sticks, more candles, more favor boxes, more custom made flasks, more champagne, more martini glasses, more wine glasses, more help, more more more. It gets complicated and when you and your bride are the only ones paying for it and doing every single detail alone, the fact that people who have been rude, disrespectful and hurtful to us, to then turn around and have the nerve to ask where their invite was? Seriously?
The wedding was so small and intimate, and yet we still didn’t get to spend time with everyone like we had wanted. And it was only 18 people! (2 little girls, weren’t big on conversation so I’m not counting them for this)
People forget that other people’s weddings ARE NOT ABOUT THEM.
I’m back on FB because I wanted to share how happy I was with my friends. But I know I’m going to hear some trash talk about why certain people weren’t invited. And I have never written about family on here (in this way) but I will now and I truly hope they read it (but they probably won’t because they’ve never shown any interest in our relationship before our wedding, I am positive they don’t bother to read my blog). But here’s the truth.
We only invited people that love us and have never tried to hurt us. We invited the people that we knew would get along with each other and not cause drama or make the night about them. We invited people that have been as good to us as we have been to them. (Some may need to reread that last one, because it pretty much sums it up.)
So if you weren’t invited to the wedding, it might be because we just aren’t close enough. That doesn’t mean we don’t like you! I told everyone at the wedding this and I’ll say it here because it really is the truth.
When we first started planning the wedding, we were picking out our bridesmaids and best-gay roles. Those were easy. But then when we started thinking about the guest list …. well that was a slippery slope. So we did the smart thing and cut out the guest list completely and replaced it with the people that would have been our attendants or played some important role in the wedding. Every single guest at the wedding was a must have guest. Every single person there meant so much to us, we couldn’t see having a wedding without them there. That sort of closeness comes with work, mutual respect and effort put into a healthy relationship. We made a conscious choice to NOT invite people that hadn’t bothered (or in several cases, couldn’t be bothered) to have us that close to them up until now, so why would we literally pay to have them come and ruin our beautiful wedding? We simply refused to bow down to any societal pressure on who we should have invited, and instead did what was right for us.
One last thing …. if you weren’t invited to our wedding and you’re hurt and wondering how such a thing could have happened? Look at your own past behavior for the answer.