Where Was My Invite?

Drama. Something I lost interest in back in my twenties. It’s the reason I had stayed off FB for so long, because every time I would say anything positive about my life, some long lost relative that never gave two craps about me in the past, would jump on there and be like, “Where’s my wedding invitation?” … Really?

OK … let’s just get to this because I’m actually writing this as I’m steaming from people’s audacity to get bitchy that they weren’t invited to our extremely tiny, intimate wedding.

Here’s the cold hard truth:

If you were not 1000000000000% supportive of our marriage the entire time, you were not invited to the wedding.

If you have said mean and hurtful things about us, you were not invited to the wedding.

If you did mean, horrible things to people we love, you were not invited to the wedding.

If you are related to me but we haven’t seen each other in ten years, you were not invited to the wedding. Not because I don’t like you but because we don’t really know each other. Regardless of blood, it’s just that simple. The time to try to rebuild fading family ties is over coffee or dinner. Not our wedding. 

If you are a friend, but we don’t hang out on a regular basis or see each other for a thousand reasons … like life, you were not invited to the wedding. It’s nothing personal, I probably wasn’t invited to yours either. Don’t let Facebook confuse you, just because we hang out on each other’s walls all day, doesn’t really equate real bro-time. Once again, the time to rekindle old relationships? NOT AT OUR WEDDING. 

So who was invited to the wedding????

As few people as possible. We really wanted something small and here is why:

I am not a very social person.

I don’t like crowds.

Neither of us ever really wanted a wedding until we won Prop 8 and felt like … well … we felt like celebrating!

We don’t like things too traditional and big seemed “traditional” to me.

We had a destination wedding. And when you ask someone to buy a plane ticket and a hotel room, they better love you. A lot. So we only asked people that we would go to the ends of the world for too.

We paid for it ourselves. We didn’t have or ask for a dime from our families. Because I think that’s archaic and not at all appropriate when two adults decide to have a wedding. So paying for it ourselves, you have to think about the numbers and every person there starts to look like they have a pretty hefty price tag on their head to feed, imbibe and bribe with favors and sit in a chair. Seriously. People don’t realize when you have a sit down meal how expensive it is and if two people you didn’t really want there are coming, it’s not just two more meals. It’s two more chairs to rent, throws off the seating, so another table, more candle sticks, more candles, more favor boxes, more custom made flasks, more champagne, more martini glasses, more wine glasses, more help, more more more. It gets complicated and when you and your bride are the only ones paying for it and doing every single detail alone, the fact that people who have been rude, disrespectful and hurtful to us, to then turn around and have the nerve to ask where their invite was? Seriously?

The wedding was so small and intimate, and yet we still didn’t get to spend time with everyone like we had wanted. And it was only 18 people! (2 little girls, weren’t big on conversation so I’m not counting them for this)

People forget that other people’s weddings ARE NOT ABOUT THEM.

I’m back on FB because I wanted to share how happy I was with my friends. But I know I’m going to hear some trash talk about why certain people weren’t invited. And I have never written about family on here (in this way) but I will now and I truly hope they read it (but they probably won’t because they’ve never shown any interest in our relationship before our wedding, I am positive they don’t bother to read my blog). But here’s the truth.

We only invited people that love us and have never tried to hurt us. We invited the people that we knew would get along with each other and not cause drama or make the night about them. We invited people that have been as good to us as we have been to them. (Some may need to reread that last one, because it pretty much sums it up.)

So if you weren’t invited to the wedding, it might be because we just aren’t close enough. That doesn’t mean we don’t like you! I told everyone at the wedding this and I’ll say it here because it really is the truth.

When we first started planning the wedding, we were picking out our bridesmaids and best-gay roles. Those were easy. But then when we started thinking about the guest list …. well that was a slippery slope. So we did the smart thing and cut out the guest list completely and replaced it with the people that would have been our attendants or played some important role in the wedding. Every single guest at the wedding was a must have guest. Every single person there meant so much to us, we couldn’t see having a wedding without them there. That sort of closeness comes with work, mutual respect and effort put into a healthy relationship. We made a conscious choice to NOT invite people that hadn’t bothered (or in several cases, couldn’t be bothered) to have us that close to them up until now, so why would we literally pay to have them come and ruin our beautiful wedding? We simply refused to bow down to any societal pressure on who we should have invited, and instead did what was right for us.

The Friends. Almost my entire half of the wedding fit on this couch.

The Friends.Not shown here or any pics, is my dear friend K who was the photographer.

One last thing …. if you weren’t invited to our wedding and you’re hurt and wondering how such a thing could have happened? Look at your own past behavior for the answer.



This article has 6 comments

  1. Sasha

    I’m actually already off of Facebook yet again and this time for the last time, because of this very reason … so tired of people’s opinions.

  2. closet

    at this point in your life, does it even matter what they say? you and remi are contented with each other.

    you stress too much.

    stop thinking about their opinions and enjoy your spouse. you’re lucky you were allowed to get married because i will never have that chance in my country. don’t let anybody’s contradiction about the wedding irritate you. they will only keep hating you if you keep showing them that you are getting hurt. you’re nothing but happy, remember that.

  3. Melissa

    You Go Sasha! Preach! Lol, really though, people ALWAYS seem to have something to bitch about. I wouldn’t give them anymore thought than you already have. I hear ya about facebook. I never joined in the first place because there are
    plenty of people I really don’t want anything to do with nor do I want them knowing anything in my life. I have a cousin (we are close) that is like addicted to adding people to facebook. Including exes of mine and even past room mates that we left on bad terms as friends. They ask her sbout me and she says she doesn’t know anything but I still don’t really appreciate them being on there. Point being, If I was on facebook they would know and my life isn’t any of their business. Ok, I’m done sorry for the rant, I get ya though. :\

  4. Charlie

    Hey Sasha, I’ve been following your blog for a while and commented rarely, but I just wanted to say congrats, you deserve the happiness that you and Remi now share. And don’t worry about what other people think, if they’re not satisfied with the reasoning that you two paid for the wedding, then just point out that that attitude is why they didn’t get an invite, and use the holiday to be thankful you weren’t closer to that type of person. 🙂 But seriously, congrats girl, and just know that those who seek to destroy your happiness only do so because they aren’t happy themselves.

  5. Rexie

    So yeah, FB sucks and it’s a dying network anyway, going the way of MySpace. I’ve been hearing about a new social network based in Canada called Syme. They encrypt their data so anyone not invited to a group or discussion can’t read it. Site admins say they can’t even access it, although, I understand they do still collect metadata. From what I can tell, it operates very much like FB. It is still in beta testing, but it might be worth looking into even though it doesn’t yet support all platforms or browsers. I was never a super FB user, I always had trust issues with their privacy policy. But if you’re looking to just scrub and start over, it might be worth giving that a try. I realize that you are a public personality and social netoworking is useful to you in that regard, but I am wondering if it be helpful for you set up two accounts. One for public Sasha that could entertain your legion of devoted followers, and one for private Sasha that could be a place for your small circle of trusted r/l friends. Just a thought….

  6. Niki Lee

    We keep putting off planning our wedding for this very reason! When we planned on eloping, everyone’s feelings were hurt. Tough situation! It sounds like you handled it gracefully. Your happiness is what matters, don’t let people ruin your memories!

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