I realized something disconcerting: when my love life is a disaster zone, I’m quite prolific with my writing. In all areas: blogging, work, school … the whole sheebang. However, on the flip side, when I’m looking through rose colored glasses, freshly laid and amorous towards my girl, my creative streak takes a hit.
I mentioned this to my friend, Melody, who suggested that I write a blog offering advice on how to meet ladies.
What on earth gave her the idea that little old me would have anything to say on that topic?? LOL … Ok, maybe I do.
So here it goes:
First of all, the most important thing I can stress here is to resist the urge to behave in any stalkery fashion whatsoever. Do not become so obsessed with the first queer girl you make eye contact with that you lose your marbles and scare the poor girl. The last thing you want to do is get served with a restraining order or on a less dramatic note, get blocked from her myspace.
Since a lot of girls I’ve known have apparently had the stalker gene let me reiterate: Do not drive by her house a hundred times. Do not stop by her work a lot unless she works at a supermarket or something and you can legitimately get away with it. And do not cyber stalk her either. Even if she doesn’t know you’re doing it, you know and nothing is more unattractive than desperation. Girls can smell it a mile away.
So if you’re lucky enough to score her digits, do not text stalk her either. Remember, she could just change her number and how embarrassing will that be when you run into her and she lies about having dropped her phone in the toilet or something equally absurd just to avoid giving you her new number.
The main lesson here is to play it cool. You’re not cool, you say? I don’t care! Act like you are then hug your teddy bear and cry in private. But keep that to yourself.
So keeping your self-esteem out of the stalker gutter is of the utmost importance.
With that out of the way let’s move on to actually meeting your would-be stalking victim … Oh wait, you already promised me you wouldn’t do that. So let’s just call her the future object of your affection.
The first thing you need to do before you leave the house every day is turn your gaydar on.
How do you do that? It’s easy. You realize that 1 out 4 people have gay tendencies, whether they admit it or not. So the chances that the cutie pie at the checkout is into girls is actually higher then you think. Even if she hasn’t dated women before it doesn’t mean you can’t be her first.
So turn your gaydar on by simply realizing that we’re everywhere. I know, I know, life would be so much easier if we all wore some sign or name badge identifying our sexuality, but we don’t. So get over it and step out of your little box long enough to realize that the girl you’re eyeing may be just as terrified as you, of making the wrong assumption.
Basically this is my personal technique for activating my gaydar: I assume that every woman I meet is either gay or at least bi until proven otherwise. That way I don’t close the door to any opportunities that might present themselves.
Try it. It works. You’ll find yourself making eye contact more often, letting your eyes linger a bit longer on her lips, looking for signs of her queerness in the way she dresses or moves.
You’ll start to get better at this the more you do it. Like anything, having good gaydar takes practice.
So before we go any further with how to meet women, let’s work on recognizing fellow lesbians and ladies that may just be open to another woman, regardless of her current label.
So my homework assignment for you is to do the following:
Next time you’re at any store that you frequent, assume that the cute girl you see is gay. Just pretend that you know for a fact that she is. This doesn’t mean jump her bones in the chip and cookie aisle. It just means to act as if she is. Notice if you feel more comfortable around her? Make more eye contact and see if she holds your gaze, does she look at your lips and then back up to your eyes?
But more then her reaction, it’s your reaction I want to know about.
Let yourself act as if we live in a world where gay people outnumber breeders. Try not to be so self-contained, self-conscious and cautious all the time. (This doesn’t mean be reckless if you live in an area that you could get stoned for being gay.) I’m talking about a subtle attitude change that will affect the way you relate to other women.
Check back later for a list of places I found to be pretty damn easy to meet women … when I was single of course.