If you want a best friend, pick a lesbian.

Tonight at our weekly “club” meeting I was immersed in a deep conversation with my girlfriends about why lesbians seem to be able to form closer, more truthful friendships with one another than our straight counterparts.

To avoid the inevitable repercussions of accidentally misquoting any of my friends I will stick strictly to my own opinions in this blog. This is actually a topic I’ve revolved over in my head more than a few times. I thought it was interesting that my friends had also had similar musings. So from my own stand point this is what I have to say on the subject.

Lesbians seem to be able to be better friends to each other than your average group of straight females because we aren’t driven by the same biological urges that some would argue, unconsciously drive most people. A straight woman, for all intent and purposes has a biological urge to procreate. Following this argument this would mean that she is looking for the best mate that meets a specific criteria. Back in the day this was slightly different than current day situations dictate.

A woman would want to find a man with good genes that would be most likely to result in viable offspring, capable of surviving the harsh environment it would be born into. But considering today, most children are born into a life of air conditioning and X box, the criteria for a mate has adjusted. So now, instead of the biggest, strongest male, many women are looking for the biggest wallet. In a day and age where money is power, the size of a man’s wallet has become more important than the size of his muscle. … um … his biceps. 🙂

So it goes to follow that straight women are in constant competition with one another for the attention of the male species.

But if you take men out of the equation, women are left with a sort of Amazonian society existing within and slightly sub rosa along side main stream, straight society. Now within lesbian culture all the normal roles are still being filled … but by women. Now it’s not about competing with each other for the best sperm donor or biggest alimony check. It’s about each of us becoming completely independent women.

It becomes a totally different game when you don’t have the idea of Prince Charming to fall back on. It’s totally all about you and what you bring to the table. It’s not about who you marry or what pre-school you get your kids into. It’s about you making your mark on this world. Then it’s about the woman on your arm or in your bed. But that’s secondary to paying your bills. Because there isn’t some man to lean on. It’s all on you and what you can achieve this time around.

I can’t speak for any one else. But I can say this: I have found a group of girlfriends that push each to be better and do better in every aspect of our lives. There is no such thing as backstabbing or competition among us. Well … maybe a little competition but only in the healthiest way possible. By that I mean when you see all your friends kicking ass in their chosen career paths, it motivates you to break out of old limiting patterns and do whatever you have to do to make sure you’re worthy of their time and friendship. So in that way, the competitive spirit that seems to part of the female DNA works to our advantage.

Some of you might ask about dating. Well that’s pretty easy in our group. We don’t have the same taste in women, AT ALL. Which is ironic since on the surface, we all resemble each other in a lot of ways.

But in a more general way I think that lesbian women can form a closer friendship with each other regardless of who they’re attracted too, because of the way we automatically relate to other women.

When a straight chick sees or meets another woman, she gets her feathers up right away. Comparing herself to the other girl from head to toe. Everything from what her shoes cost to how much she weighs. So even if both girls end up being nice and maybe even friends, that initial contact was filled with passive aggression and a competitive spirit.

But when a gay girl sees another girl the first thought isn’t. “How do I measure up to her?” it’s more like, “Do I want to fuck her?” … So you see, the initial contact between a gay girl and any other woman, gay or straight is more like a man and a woman meeting. Less competition, more flirting. Even if there’s zero physical attraction, as a gay woman I always look at any girl I meet as a possible conquest. So of course I’m going to be a little nicer until I decide what I want to do with her.

To sum it up I think that lesbians relate to other women so fundamentally different than straight women, that we area able to form amazing friendships that anyone on the outside looking in can hardly fathom. Huh … lucky me … and maybe lucky you.

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